


april - so i whispered i love you

by woodchoc_magnum



Series: you can tell everybody this is your song [12]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Bottom Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Caring Eddie Diaz, Christopher Diaz is a National Treasure, Domestic Fluff, Drama, Established Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz, Fluff, Hurt Evan "Buck" Buckley, M/M, Natural Disasters, Soft Eddie Diaz, Worried Eddie Diaz, Worried Firefam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-10
Updated: 2020-09-10
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:08:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 22,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26389177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/woodchoc_magnum/pseuds/woodchoc_magnum
Summary: He was too late. Buck had gone in without him and he was too late. He should've been there to have his back, but he was too late. Of all the random things to happen; of all the days to have his heart ripped out of his chest. Buck had wanted a sandwich and gotten caught up in a fucking earthquake.What was he going to tell Christopher? How was he going to tell his son that the person he loved and adored with his whole heart, the man who had come into their lives and made everything better, the man who made them laugh and brought music into their lives and came up with adventures and games, the man who shone brighter than the sun, was gone?
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Series: you can tell everybody this is your song [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1816843
Comments: 65
Kudos: 519





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer - I have never been to Los Angeles, so if any of this seems wrong geographically (it probably is), I apologise in advance.

"Okay, we're running late," Eddie said to Christopher, grabbing his keys from the bowl near the door. "Come on, buddy. Say goodbye to Buck."

Buck, sniffling from the couch, gave them a wave.

"Get better," Christopher ordered him.

"I'm trying," Buck complained, and then sneezed violently. "Ugh."

Eddie pointed at him. "You take it easy, get some sleep, make sure you keep putting that stuff on your chest to help with your breathing and don't do anything around the house. Just rest."

"Yes boss," Buck complained. He'd been struck down with a cold for two days and was off work, which had made Eddie's shifts considerably less enjoyable.

Eddie went to give him a kiss on the forehead, ignoring Christopher complaining from the door that they had to go, and patted his cheek. "Seriously, _rest._ " The day before he'd arrived home to find Buck up a ladder on the outside of the house, clearing the gutters.

"I am," Buck groaned, throwing his head back. "They said it was going to rain."

"Maybe just leave stuff like that until I get home," Eddie suggested, heading over to the door. "Baby, if I come home and find out you've been up a ladder again, I'll lose it."

"Oh yeah whatever," Buck grumbled, flipping through the channels. "Have a good day."

"See you tonight." Eddie blew him a kiss and ushered Christopher out the front door.

~

"How's the patient?" Hen asked as he was making a coffee.

"Well, yesterday he saw a report on the news that they were expecting it to rain overnight, so he climbed up a ladder to clear out the gutters," Eddie said dryly, "which is where I found him when I got home."

She laughed, washing her cup in the sink. "I think I woke up around 3am and it was drizzling, but it's certainly a bright and sunny day today."

"He just hates lying around doing nothing. Honestly, they probably needed doing, but it could've waited until the weekend." Eddie sipped his coffee, leaning against the bench.

Chimney was climbing the stairs to the balcony wearily, rubbing his eyes. "Morning, gang."

"How's it going, Dad?" Hen asked. "Getting much sleep?"

"Not so much, no. We've been alternating feedings, and… let me tell you, it is not easy. This kid is not easy." He yawned widely. "How's Buckaroo?"

"Still struck down with his death of a cold," Hen replied, nudging Eddie with his elbow.

"And how's Christopher's arm?"

Eddie nodded. "Totally healed. His doctor was really happy with everything. He's back to using his crutches again as of this week – we had to build up his strength again."

Chimney sat down at the table and Eddie took the seat opposite, Hen to his left. "That's good. He's going okay at school now?"

"Yeah, so far. The school has been… pretty good. I'm not going to say they've been great, because this happened in the first place, but… they've been trying to correct it. And Christopher has been happier, which is the most important thing."

They hadn't had to change classes, in the end. Without the toxic influence of the tall brat – Eddie refused to refer to him by name; he would simply be known as the 'tall brat' until the end of time – Christopher's classmates had gradually returned to normal. Instead of returning to hang out with his old friends, Christopher had grown closer with some of the other kids and was even invited to a sleepover on the weekend.

They were all relieved. Christopher was almost back to normal. His psychologist said that he was strong and resilient and was bouncing back well. It was like a weight had been lifted off their shoulders, but they'd decided to be more pro-active in the future, just in case a similar situation ever arose.

~~

Buck awoke around 1pm from a long nap with an insatiable appetite for one of Milo's delicious deli sandwiches – specifically the one stuffed with three kinds of meat and melted cheese. He lay in bed for a while, deliberating, wondering if he should get it delivered, before finally throwing the covers off. The call of the sandwich was too much to bear.

He changed into a pair of jeans and a shirt, grabbed his phone, keys and wallet and headed out the door. Carla would be dropping Christopher off at around 4pm, but he'd be back by then and with a full stomach. Besides, he was feeling marginally better – still stuffy, but other than that not too bad.

The drive to the deli was only fifteen minutes, and he found a parking space down one end of the street. Milo's deli was on a relatively quiet street in Sun Valley, tucked off the main drag with a few other shops and some older apartment buildings. Milo had owned the deli for thirty years – he was in his 60s, with a ring of curly grey hair around a balding head, and a thick white moustache. Buck had stumbled across the deli during his first month in LA, fallen in love with it, and now he and Milo were great friends.

"Buck!" Milo exclaimed when he pushed the door open. "Come in, come in. You want a drink? I can make you a fresh and tasty juice."

"A juice sounds great," he replied, clearing his throat.

"Oh no, you sick?" Milo bustled around behind the counter, pulling bottles of juice out of the fridge.

Buck sat down at his usual seat and said, "Yeah, I've got a cold. I was hoping I could get one of those melty, meaty sandwiches from you."

"Well my friend, you've come to the right place," Milo said proudly. "Let me make you a quick, healing, high energy, high sugar juice and then I'll whip you up a sandwich. How's that fiancé of yours?"

"He's great. He's at work today."

"And when's the wedding?" Milo concentrated as he mixed pineapple juice with orange juice and added a splash of something red – Buck had no idea what it was, but it looked delicious.

"July. We've tentatively booked a venue and a celebrant, and next week we have a suit fitting. His sisters are coming to town to help us out." Buck smiled at him. "I don't know man; it seems like a lot of work. I keep hinting that we should elope."

"No, you don't want to do that," Milo objected, stirring up Buck's drink and passing it over. "You need to be surrounded by your friends and family, so everyone can drink and laugh and celebrate your good fortune at having found your one true love. Right?"

Buck grinned. "Right." He had a long sip of his drink and let out an appreciative 'mmmm'.

"I'm very wise." Milo tapped the side of his head, grabbing a bread roll from the container on the counter. "Lots of meat, lots of cheese! Coming right up."

"How's business?" Buck asked.

"Not too bad! Quite busy this morning. Lots of coffees. How's the fire business?"

He laughed. "Same as al—" the words died on his lips as there was a noticeable tremor. The light fixture rattled and they both looked up, as there was a familiar rumbling in the distance, and the world began to shake.

~~

"Earthquake!" Chimney yelled at Eddie, who was carrying the jaws of life over to the wrecked car on the side of the road. The ground see-sawed beneath his feet and he nearly stumbled, swearing – he _hated_ earthquakes.

"Everyone stay put!" Bobby shouted at them.

Eddie looked up at the swaying palm trees and traffic lights. People rushed out of the shops on the other side of the street, huddling on the footpath. There was a groan and a crack as one of the palm trees snapped, tumbling down almost in slow-motion and crashing across the street.

~~

Buck was trying to get Milo out from behind the counter, as the stock on the shelves crashed to the floor. "Climb over!" he shouted at him, but Milo was trying and failing to lift the counter-top, which was jammed in place.

One of the shelves tipped over, starting a chain reaction that sent the rest crashing to the floor. Jars of pickles, olives and sun-dried tomatoes shattered, and liquid oozed across the white linoleum. Buck yanked on the counter-top as hard as he could and it finally popped open. Milo stumbled out, there was a crack from above them, and the ceiling caved in.

~~

The world stopped shaking, and the earth was still again.

Eddie let out a breath, looking around for the others. Hen and Chimney were both near the trucks; Bobby was on his knees near the crashed car. The rest of the team were all accounted for. He set the jaws of life down on the ground and fished his phone out of his pocket, hoping to call Carla before the lines clogged up.

"Eddie," she said breathlessly. "I'm okay – I'll be able to pick him up from school. Don't worry."

"Are you sure? I can call Buck," he said with concern.

"I'm fine. I'm still at home and aside from another broken vase, everything is okay. As long as the roads aren't cut, I'll be able to pick him up without a problem. I'll text you, all right?"

"Thank you," he said gratefully. "Give him a hug for me. I'm just going to try to call Buck."

"That boy better be lying on the couch watching TV."

"I hope so," he replied, and ended the call, quickly dialling Buck's number. He worried that the call wouldn't go through, but Buck's phone began to ring, and he waited impatiently, tapping his phone on the ground, groaning when Buck's voicemail picked up.

" _Hey this is Buck, leave a message after the beep._ "

"Babe, call me or text me to let me know you're okay," Eddie said. "We're responding to a car accident in San Vicente, but I'll be tied up the rest of the day, so if I don't answer, just leave me a message. I love you; I'll see you tonight."

~~

Buck lifted his head and groaned. Something heavy was pinning him to the ground, face-down, and it took him a moment to figure out whether he was injured. He could move his legs and hands, so he guessed his spine was okay, but something was holding him down.

 _The roof_ , he realised, turning his head to the side. He was trapped under a section of plasterboard. The floor was covered with liquid. "Milo," he said, and coughed. "Milo, buddy – you okay?"

There was a groan somewhere to his left.

"Hang on. I'm coming." He managed to push himself up and work his way out from underneath the plasterboard, finally rising to his knees. The deli was practically destroyed – glass was shattered all over the place, and he was covered in a sticky combination of liquids. He searched for Milo, lifting pieces of plasterboard until he located him, on his side, blood staining his white hair red.

"Hey buddy," he said breathlessly, carefully removing debris from his body. "Hey. I'm going to get you out of here, all right? Can you hear me?"

Milo didn't respond. Buck leaned over to check his pulse, which was still strong and steady, but he was out cold.

"Must've hit your head," he said, turning him over onto his back carefully. "Come on buddy, wake up. Wake up."

~~

After freeing the trapped occupants of the crashed car and sending them to the hospital, Eddie returned the equipment to the ladder truck and tried Buck again. The phone beeped in his ear – no service, and if the last earthquake was anything to go by, he would be waiting hours for it to be restored. He swore, trying not to fret, and shoved the phone in his pocket.

Bobby raised an eyebrow at him. "What's wrong?"

He hesitated, and then said, "I can't get in touch with Buck."

"Maybe he slept right through it," Bobby offered.

Eddie doubted that, but he nodded in response. "Where are we off to next? There are no toppled hotels, are there?"

"No, but there's an apartment complex in Century City that's on fire, so that's where we're going." Bobby whistled to the rest of the team, and they clambered into the truck.

~~

Buck had woken Milo up and successfully extracted him from the shop. He sat him on a bench outside with a towel to his head and pulled his phone out of his pocket to call 911, but the screen had shattered, and it wouldn't respond. Shocked and dazed people were milling about on the street, and Buck stood, taking in the scene for the first time.

The facades of two of the shops on the other side of the street had crumbled. A car was wrapped around a telephone pole further up the street, and smoke was pouring out of the engine. A group of people were trying to yank open the driver's side door.

Buck left Milo and raced down to join them. "LAFD," he said breathlessly, and the group stepped aside for him. "Has anyone called 911?"

"Phone lines are jammed," a woman replied, a trickle of blood running down her cheek. "We can't get through."

"Okay." Buck went to the trunk of the car tried it – thankfully it opened easily, and he rummaged around inside, finally laying his hands on a crowbar. He went to the driver's side door, jammed the crowbar into the gap and levered it open. An elderly woman practically fell out, gasping for breath, and he carefully led her away from the wreck.

"Help!" someone screamed. "Someone, please! Help!"

Buck looked up. A woman was hanging out of the top window of one of the crumbled shops, waving her arms desperately. "Hold on!" he called to her. "I'm coming!"

~~

They arrived in Century City and soon Eddie was following Bobby into a burning building. All thoughts of Buck were out of his mind as he set about doing his job - they spent the next hour clearing the building of its occupants, making trip after trip inside and back out again as the hoses worked to dampen the flames.

Finally, with the last resident out on the street, Eddie stole away to check his phone. He had no messages from Buck, but one from Carla, assuring him that Christopher was all right and that they were heading home. There was no service again, so he couldn't respond to her or try to call Buck again.

He wandered over to where Chimney and Hen were standing near the ambulance. "Long day," Hen said to him, wiping soot from her face. "I'm exhausted."

"Yeah, I'm getting there," he replied, trying to ignore the rising fear in his stomach that something was just not right. "Have you heard from Karen?"

"She's fine. She's with the kids. Denny was a bit freaked out – apparently we've got a new crack in the wall of our bedroom," Hen said, rolling her eyes. "They're saying it was a 5.9 but shallow."

"I would've said over six," Chimney remarked, his eyes trained on his phone. "Damn, I wish they would get the cell service back up again. Have you heard from Buckaroo?"

Eddie shook his head. "No, but I assume he's at home. Where else would he be?"

~~

"Apparently there's carnage up on the freeway," the woman who owned the flower shop next to Milo's deli said to Buck, on the verge of tears. "911 say that they can't get any ambulances or fire trucks through to us here; that we have to wait. That we're not a priority."

Buck nodded, exhausted right down to his bones, checking the six people who needed medical assistance. "You've told them that we've got serious injuries here?"

She nodded, casting a stricken look up and down the street. "They say there's nothing they can do; they can't get a truck down here."

He thought for a moment, raking his hands through his hair. He could try to load as many people as he could into his jeep and make a run for the hospital, but he had no idea what condition the roads were in and whether he'd even be able to get through. Three of the wounded needed urgent medical attention and he was genuinely concerned about moving them. He had a group of about thirty people gathered around him, waiting to find out what to do next, when there was another distinctive rumble beneath their feet.

"Oh, fuck," he said, as the world began to shake again.

~~

The ladder truck veered wildly on the road, and Bobby's voice came through on the radio. "Aftershock, everyone hold on, we're pulling over."

The truck shook violently, swaying back and forth. Eddie held onto the strap and closed his eyes, internally regretting his decision to move to Los Angeles instead of Chicago. Buck's face flashed in his mind and he thought again, _something's wrong._ If he had messages from Carla, he should've had one from Buck as well.

The world stopped shaking. Eddie let out a breath, glancing across at Chimney, whose lips were pulled into a tight line. "Maddie okay?"

"Yeah, they're fine," he replied, rubbing his face. "Josh went over there to stay with them until I get home."

"That's good."

"Yeah, he's not too far away, he was able to walk over." Chimney pulled his phone out, shaking his head with a grimace. "Still no signal."

~~

The aftershock ruptured the water line, and the street began to flood. Water shot thirty feet into the air from a nearby hydrant, and they were going to have to move.

Using bits and pieces from a nearby hardware shop he and a couple of the other guys had fashioned makeshift stretchers, and the injured were carefully loaded onto them. Buck led the group down the street, away from the rising water, pausing only once when he thought he heard a yell for help. Had he missed someone? He'd spent the last few hours searching buildings – the leaning apartment building at the end was the only one he hadn't been inside, fearing a collapse. He and one of the others had spent a good half an hour outside, shouting to anyone who may have been left inside, but there was no answer.

Everyone was soaking wet by the time they made it to a nearby neighbourhood, laying the injured out on grassy lawns. Residents emerged from nearby houses with towels and blankets, and Buck had a group of people continually trying to call 911, while he kept an eye on the wounded. His medical knowledge was only limited, but he'd done the best he could with what he had available to him, and everyone was still alive.

He went to check on Milo next, who was seated on the grass away from the group, a towel to his head. "You okay, buddy?" he asked, kneeling in front of him, examining the wound on his head. He thought he had a cracked skull, but he wasn't sure. "I think you should lie down."

"I'm okay, Buck," Milo said, but pointed to the leaning apartment building in the distance. "I thought I heard someone, and I haven't seen Connie anywhere."

"Who's Connie?" Buck asked.

"A nice old lady. She lives on the top floor. She comes in every couple of days for a sandwich and a root beer." Milo was looking a little pale.

Buck stripped out of his filthy button up and balled it up, helping Milo lie down. "Hang tight, buddy," he said, patting him on the shoulder. "They're gonna get through to 911 and you'll be in a hospital bed eating Jell-o before the day is through. If I'm not back when they get here, tell them that I work with the 118, and I went back down to that building to make sure it was empty, all right?"

"Okay, Buck," Milo agreed. "I'll tell them."

Buck gave his shoulder a reassuring squeeze, rising to his feet. He told a couple of the other people where he was going, just in case Milo passed out, and jogged back down the street. He still had the crowbar from the car, hooked on his belt, but other than that he had no other tools or equipment.

He had to stop to cough, spitting out a mouthful of mucus, before continuing back towards the deli. He waded through shin deep water towards the building, coming to a stop across the street. He cupped his hands around his mouth and called, "Is anyone in there? Is anyone trapped?"

"Help!" a woman's voice shouted. "Please, help! I'm trapped!"

"Are you Connie?" his voice echoed through the street.

"Yes! Yes, I am!"

"Okay, I'm coming to you! Just hold on!"

~~

"We're getting reports of a group of people trapped in the Valley with a busted water main and serious property damage," Bobby said over the radio. "There are half a dozen people injured; more possibly trapped. We're a couple of minutes out – now that they've cleared the roads, we'll be able to get through."

Eddie was on his phone again, still with no service. He and Chimney exchanged a frustrated look.

"It's just weird," Eddie said to Chimney through the headset. "It's not like Buck not to text or try to call. I thought he would've called me."

"Maybe it's just bad timing," Chimney suggested. "He might've been trying and wasn't able to get through and wasn't able to. I bet you any money he and Christopher are hanging out watching TV."

Eddie nodded, and texted Carla again. _Hey, is Buck there? I haven't heard from him._

~~

Buck was two storeys up, checking apartments as he went, trying to ignore the fact that it seemed like the building was taking on more of a lean the longer he was inside. Thankfully, he had no elevator shaft to deal with, or heavy gear, so he was able to work his way through the building efficiently. When he reached the top floor, he found that part of the ceiling had collapsed, and had to climb through the rubble to reach Connie's apartment at the end of the hall.

"Hey, Connie?" he called. "It's Buck – I'm coming in. Can you hear me?"

There was no response. He reached her door and pounded a couple of times, tried the handle, and then jammed the crowbar against the lock and forced the door open with a pop.

The room was tilted – from his vantage point at the door, he could almost see into the one-storey shops across the street. "Connie!" he shouted. "Where are you?"

There was a muffled sob to his left, and he carefully made his way through the apartment and found her in the kitchen, pinned under part of the ceiling. Her grey hair was matted with blood, but she lifted her head when he entered the room and gave him a dazed look.

"Hey," he said, looking around for anything that might help. "Connie, I know you're hurt. I'm going to get you out of here. Can you feel your arms and legs? Can you move them?"

"No," she replied through chattering teeth. "I feel so cold."

 _Shit._ "Are you bleeding somewhere? Are you stuck on something?" Buck braced himself against the wall.

"I don't think so, but I feel… broken." Her voice faded a bit.

Buck weighed the pros and cons. From the way the building was groaning, they didn't have long. He was going to be able to rescue her, and put her on his back, but he would likely be injuring her more as they made their way out of the building. Another aftershock would surely cause the building to collapse.

"Connie," he said gently, kneeling in front of her. "I need your permission, okay – I can carry you out, but it could hurt you more. I'm sorry. It's just me; I have no other way of getting you out."

She looked up at him, tears streaking down her cheeks. "That's okay. You'll do the best you can."

"I will," he promised her, and tried to smile. "We're getting out of here. Milo sent me here to rescue you, so we've got to get you to safety."

She was silent as he cleared the rubble away. There was blood around her hips and her right leg was broken, but there were no other obvious injuries. He said to her quietly, "I'm so sorry. This is going to hurt, Connie. I'm so, so sorry."

"It's okay," she said again, her voice fading a little. "It'll be okay."

He wasn't sure it would, but he lifted her up into his arms as carefully as he could. She gasped, clutching his shirt, and began to sob as he carried her out of the apartment, using the wall for leverage to make his way back out into the hallway.

The building was creaking ominously.

~~

The 118 trucks and ambulance pulled up alongside a desperate group of people, waving their hands. Eddie leapt out and followed Chimney and Hen over to where the injured lay on the grass, covered with blankets to stay warm. Someone had tended to their injuries – there were a couple of makeshift tourniquets and splints. He was about to ask who the person was, when he spotted a familiar figure sitting at the end of the group, holding a bloodied cloth to his forehead.

"Milo?" he called, jogging over to him. He hadn't realised they were so close to the deli.

Milo was filthy, covered in what Eddie guessed was the remnants of the stock in his shop. He blinked up at Eddie in confusion, not recognising him at first. "Yes?"

"Hey, it's Eddie," he said, kneeling beside him, removing the cloth from his forehead. He examined the wound and said, "Buddy, you've cracked your skull. We're going to get you to the hospital."

"Did Buck send you?" Milo asked him, confused.

He paused. "No? Someone called 911."

Milo's pupils were dilated, and Eddie guessed he had a concussion. He turned to look down the street to where his shop was – Eddie followed his gaze; saw the water flooding the street and a building on an angle at the end.

"Buck said to tell you something," Milo murmured.

"Buck's not here," Eddie said to him gently, touching his shoulder. "You're confused."

"No?" Milo blinked at him. "No, he's here. He was here."

Eddie sat back on his heels, as his phone vibrated in his pocket. He retrieved it to find a message from Carla. _Buck's not at home. His car isn't here. We can't reach him._

His heart plummeted into his stomach, and he looked up at Milo wildly. "Did you say Buck is here? Buck's been here, today?"

"Yeah, he went back down there," a woman said from behind him, pointing to the apartment building. "Buck's the guy with the birthmark, right? He thought someone was left behind so he went to check."

Eddie stood and found Bobby striding towards him, a horrified look on his face. "Buck's here," Bobby said to him, his hand on the radio. "They've been talking about the off-duty firefighter who brought them all to safety; fashioned the splints and the stretchers. This is all Buck's doing."

Eddie pointed to the building with a shaking hand. "He's in there."

Bobby followed his gaze, closing his eyes briefly. "Oh god. Eddie, grab some gear, go after him. Go now. Call me on the radio when you've got him. I'll get Chim and follow you."

Eddie raced over to the truck. He grabbed his helmet, harness, some rope and a medical kit before turning and sprinting down the street towards the water, passing Buck's jeep. His heart was in his throat, but he kept going, wading through the water, lifting his knees as high as he could. The apartment building was on the verge of collapse – one part of the top floor had noticeably caved in.

He was about a hundred yards away when there was a distinctive cracking sound, a rumbling, and then the top floor fell in on itself. The rest of the building swayed, almost in slow motion, before collapsing across the street, sending bricks, glass and debris down into the water, a dust cloud rising into the sky.

Eddie dropped his gear, the wind knocked out of him, and sank to his knees in despair.

**~*~*~*~**

**Bobby**

At the sound of the collapsing building Bobby and Chimney began to sprint down the street. They could see Eddie in the distance, on his knees, surrounded by water, as a dust cloud rose into the sky.

"Eddie!" Chimney shouted at him, charging through the water. "Eddie, come on!"

Eddie turned to look at him blankly, the colour drained from his face. Whatever Bobby was going to say to him died on his lips – he'd never seen Eddie so empty, lifeless. Like his heart had been ripped from his chest.

Chimney had his hands to his mouth and was screaming Buck's name, but there was no answer. A fire erupted in the centre of the rubble and Eddie's head swivelled, eyes glassy.

"Eddie," Bobby said, on the verge of tears. "Come on. We need to get the truck down here so we can do a search for him." Eddie was silent as Bobby hauled him to his feet. "Chim, you stay here," he ordered. "Keep shouting for him. Call me on the radio if he responds. We're going to bring the truck down a side street and try to put the fire out."

Chimney nodded at him, stricken.

He marched Eddie back up the street, barely holding it together. His heart was pounding in his chest, and if Buck didn't somehow miraculously emerge from this unscathed, he'd never forgive himself. Sure, they were on good terms again, but the guilt he'd managed to set aside was right back at the surface, together with the fear that he'd lost one of the people he loved most in the world. If Buck was gone, he'd add his death to the long list of things he'd never stop feeling guilty about; the people he'd lost and the people left behind.

**~*~*~*~**

Eddie was numb. The world was black and white.

When Shannon had died, the emotion had been right there at the surface. He'd wept for her. He'd held her hand and watched the life drain from her eyes.

But now, he felt nothing. Not a thing. The love of his life was dead, and it was like he was, too.

Just that morning he'd awoken with Buck's arms around him, those blue eyes of his blinking awake sleepily as a slow smile crossed his face.

Just that morning he'd kissed those lovely lips of his and told him that he loved him.

Just that morning they'd stood side-by-side at the mirror to shave, their arms brushing against each other.

Just that morning they'd eaten breakfast with Christopher, and even though Buck was sick and sniffling, he'd still had enough energy to whip them up something tasty. One of the funny things about Buck was that he hated cereal – wouldn't touch the stuff. He cooked them breakfast almost every single day.

And it was the afternoon and the world had ended.

He followed Bobby back to the trucks and climbed inside. Hen was there, and she gripped his hand and told him passionately that Buck was okay, but he didn't really believe it. He was too late. Buck had gone in without him and he was too late. He should've been there to have his back, but he was too fucking late. Of all the random things to happen; of all the days to have his heart ripped out of his chest. Buck had wanted a sandwich and gotten caught up in a fucking earthquake.

What the fuck was he going to tell Christopher? How was he going to tell his son that the person he loved and adored with his whole heart, the man who had come into their lives and made everything better, the man who made them laugh and brought music into their lives and came up with adventures and games, the man who shone brighter than the sun, was _gone?_

~~

"Connie," Buck said hoarsely, leaning over her in the street, sweat dripping down his face. "Hey, Connie, I know you're tired. Stay with me, all right? Please stay with me. We're nearly there. Can you hear the sirens? They're coming for us."

Connie's eyes were still open, and she was staring up at the sky. "When I was a girl," she said, in a voice so soft and quiet he could hardly hear it, "we lived on a farm in Iowa. At night, there were millions of stars. Millions. It was like the sky was shining with diamonds. There are no stars here."

He took her hand, swallowing hard. "You just can't see them, but they're there. I promise."

A fleeting smile crossed her face. "You remind me of a boy I knew when I was young. He was brave like you."

Brave – he wasn't brave. He was _exhausted_ , and she was dying in his arms, and there was nothing he could do. She was so frail. He'd gotten her out of the building about two minutes before it crumbled and ever since then he'd been trying to keep her awake, but she was dying. Her blood was staining his clothes. He could feel it seeping into his skin.

She wore a silver necklace with a heart on it. She said, in a fading voice, "I don't have anyone, you know. Nobody will be there to say goodbye to me. My son died when he was twelve."

"I'm sorry, Connie," he whispered, tears burning in his eyes. "I'm so sorry."

"You're such a nice boy." Her lips curved into a smile. "Take the necklace. Undo it and take it with you; give it to someone special. Someone should have it."

"No, I can't. It should go with you."

"It doesn't matter now. Someone nice should have it. It was my mother's." Connie's eyes fluttered closed. "She made the best apple pie. Take it, please. Please."

With trembling hands, he undid the clasp. "I really shouldn't."

"Please. You've been so nice to me. Thank you."

Buck let out a breath. Sirens were growing closer.

~~

The thing was that if he was dead, that was it for Eddie. He'd never fall in love with anyone else. He'd never move on. He would spend the rest of his life waiting for his time to come so they could be together again.

He looked down at his left hand – clad in a glove, his engagement ring on the dresser at home, beside Buck's. He would've preferred them going together than this, than being left behind. He now understood why Buck had almost thrown himself into a burning bus – he understood that feeling, the desperation, the terror of having the love of his life ripped away from him before they ever really had a chance to _live._

And then Bobby's voice came over the radio. "Eddie, _look._ "

He moved, leaning forward, peering through the windscreen. There was a figure with familiar broad shoulders kneeling in the street, their back to the engine.

And just like that, the world snapped back into colour, and he was alive again.

~~

"Buck!"

 _Eddie?_ He lifted his head slowly, looking around. The 118 ladder truck was behind him, and as he watched Eddie leapt out of the open door before the truck came to a stop, sprinting towards him.

"Eddie," he heard himself moan, numbed with grief, as Eddie skidded to a stop at his side, and threw his arms around him. Their lips met in a desperate kiss, and Buck melted into Eddie's arms.

When they parted, Eddie let out a sob and whispered in anguish, " _I thought I lost you._ "

 _Shit._ Buck pulled away from him, guilty as all fuck, tears still streaming down his cheeks. "I couldn't call," he replied hoarsely, and gestured to Connie. "She died. I tried everything. She died in my arms, Eddie."

Eddie tore his eyes away from Buck's face and pressed his fingers to her throat, checking her pulse. He was examining her injuries when Hen and Bobby joined them – Bobby pressed his hand to Buck's shoulder, squeezing lightly, as if to reassure himself that Buck was still there.

He looked around at all of them, stunned, and said, "I'm sorry, I couldn't – the phones, my phone died. We've been trying to get someone down here for hours."

"It's okay," Bobby said to him, raising his eyebrows slightly. "You did a great job, Buck."

He looked down at Connie again and said, "Not that great."

"Buckaroo, let me check her," Hen said gently. "Go with Eddie. Go on."

He nodded, reaching out for Eddie, who helped him to his feet. They made it over to the footpath before his legs gave out from under him.

~~

"I got you," Eddie said in his ear, fighting back tears. They sank to the ground together, his arms around Buck's chest, holding him steady. "I've got you, baby. It's okay."

Buck dropped his head onto Eddie's shoulder, exhausted.

"You're okay," Eddie murmured in his ear, on his knees on the ground, Buck wrapped around him. "You're okay, sweetheart. I've got you now."

"I tried so hard," Buck whispered tearfully. "To save everyone."

"You did such a good job."

"I got up there and she was crushed. I tried to be careful getting her out but…" he began to sob, clutching Eddie's shirt. "I tried."

Eddie kissed his cheek and held him tightly. Buck was covered in blood, his clothes stained, sweating profusely. Eddie held him while he cried, burying his face against his shoulder, so goddamn fucking grateful for whatever miracle it was that had allowed his escape.

The woman was dead – they covered her with a sheet. Eddie kept Buck's head pressed against his shoulder, shielding him from it, stroking the back of his neck. He heard Buck murmur in his ear, "You found Milo?"

He nodded. "Sent him to the hospital. Cracked skull."

"I thought so."

"You did a great job making those stretchers and splints, baby. You could be a paramedic yet."

"I don't think my heart can take it."

Eddie stroked a hand up his back, closing his eyes as well. "I've got you now. You're okay."

Buck was silent for a few moments, and then he said, "I tried to call you, but the lines were busy… is Christopher okay? Carla?"

"Yeah, they're both fine. I thought you were at home with them; I didn't know you were missing until we got here."

"I didn't distract you."

He shook his head. "No."

"Not gonna get in trouble."

"No, you've done nothing wrong. You did great. Are you in pain? Are you hurt?"

Buck pulled away slightly, holding out his right hand, which had a defined puncture wound. Eddie examined it carefully. "Caught on a nail," Buck murmured.

"I think you'll need a stitch or two, and for this to be cleaned out. We'll have to go to the hospital." Eddie looked up as Hen approached them with the medical bag. "Hey, he's got a puncture wound. Anything else, babe?"

Buck shook his head. Hen knelt beside them and leaned in to kiss him on the cheek. "Let me have a look at you," she said, popping open the bag. "See what we're dealing with here."

Buck rested his head on Eddie's shoulder and closed his eyes again.

~

It was decided that Buck would have to go to the hospital, but first Eddie climbed through the broken windows of a clothing shop and grabbed a clean t-shirt for him. He left twenty bucks under the computer keyboard and returned to Buck's side, stripping him out of his filthy, stained t-shirt and pulling the new one on over his head.

Bobby arranged for the 118 pick-up truck to collect them and take them to the hospital. Eddie met his eyes and nodded once, gratefully, as they slowly pulled away from the curb.

Once at the hospital, they had to wait for a while in triage, and it wasn't until nearly 8pm that a nurse finally took them into a curtained off room and examined the injuries to Buck's hand. Buck was silent while they cleaned the dirt and debris embedded in the wound and wrapped it up in a bandage. Eddie sat to the side and checked his phone – his Abuela was at their house with Christopher and Carla had gone home for the night.

The only time Buck flinched was when they gave him a tetanus shot, but other than that he was expressionless. Eddie felt like he was operating on auto-pilot, trying to keep it together, when all he really wanted to do was wrap his arms around Buck and let all of the fear and anguish out in a primal scream of rage.

He couldn't. Not while they were at the hospital; not while he had to be strong.

With Buck's hand bandaged, and the other cuts on his arms dressed, they were released from the hospital. Eddie was about to order an Uber when the 118 pick-up truck pulled up in front of the hospital, and Bobby waved at them from inside.

"In we go," Eddie said to Buck, opening the back door for him. He crawled onto the back seats and tucked his legs up, closing his eyes.

Eddie climbed into the front passenger seat, glancing at Bobby gratefully. "How'd you know?"

"I was coming to make sure you guys were okay; saw you walk out." Bobby started the car. "Do you want to go back to the station to get your car? Buck's jeep is going to be trapped on that street for a while."

"Is that okay with you?"

"Of course, Eddie. It's fine." Bobby flashed him a tired smile. "How's the patient?"

He glanced over his shoulder at Buck, who was already asleep. "Exhausted. He's been sleeping a lot. They checked him over and he's okay. Just worn out."

"He saved a lot of people today. I'll make sure the Chief knows about it." They pulled out of the hospital parking lot and onto the street, both silent for a minute or two, until Bobby asked quietly, "Are you okay, Eddie?"

Eddie wanted to say that he was fine, that his insides weren't twisted into knots that wouldn't come undone, but instead he shrugged, shook his head slightly, and turned to look out the window.

Buck was alive, but for twenty minutes he'd been dead. In Eddie's mind, he was dead. They were going to find his broken body in the ruins of the apartment building. He'd have to go home and tell Christopher that Buck was dead. They'd be alone, again, and they'd only just made their happy little family. All the sunshine would be forever gone from their lives – he wasn't sure they'd ever get over it. Christopher loved Buck so damn much. How would they ever return to any kind of normalcy without him?

But then he was alive, in the middle of the road, and the earth began to turn again. He wondered if he should have had more faith that he was alive, but they'd made that pact to each other – _if I'm gone, I'm gone_. And for twenty horrible minutes, Buck was gone.

Now he was snoring on the backseat, one hand dangling over the edge, and Eddie turned to look in on him, reaching back to clasp his hand.

"If you need to book in to see Frank, we can arrange that," Bobby said in a low voice.

"I don't know what I want to do."

"I saw your face, Eddie. You scared the hell out of me."

"I'm sorry. I was trying to hold it together."

"You're allowed to show some emotion. I know how terrified you were, and you couldn't even speak until you saw him again. Believe me, Eddie, I know what it's like."

He nodded, swallowing hard. "Okay."

Bobby glanced at him with concern. "Are you going to be okay to get home? I'm not sure what the roads are going to be like heading to your side of town."

"I'll be fine. I'm okay," he said, trying to sound reassuring.

"You guys take tomorrow, all right? Both of you did enough today; you deserve a break." Bobby paused, and then added, "I'm really glad you decided to stick with me."

"It was never really a question, Cap."

~

Once they arrived at the station, Eddie nudged Buck awake, transferred him to the backseat of his truck, and headed for home. He had no idea in what state he'd find the roads and had to take a few detours along the way. When he finally pulled into the driveway at home, his Abuela hurried out to greet them, cupping his face and kissing his cheeks before she let him out of the car.

"Where's Buck?" she asked, stepping back as he opened the back door. Buck was asleep, head on his arm, snoring quietly. "Oh, my poor boy. Help him out, Eddito."

"Your poor boy," he complained, leaning in to wake Buck up. "Come on, sweetheart. Up you get."

Buck groaned, sitting up and sliding out of the car. He was still in his filthy, stained clothes, looking like he'd taken a beating. Abuela gazed at him in horror and said, "Oh, Evan, come inside and clean up, darling. Come on."

Buck nodded, following her into the house, Eddie behind him. "Dad," Christopher said from the couch, peering over at them. "Is everything okay?"

"We're fine," he replied, watching as Abuela led Buck down the hallway to the bathroom. He went over to kiss and hug Christopher. "How was your day?"

"Exciting," Christopher replied, and told Eddie all about the earthquake, and how they'd had to go and wait outside until it was all clear to come back inside, and then Carla had arrived to pick him up early. Eddie gave him another kiss on the cheek and went down the hallway, where he found Buck sitting on the edge of their bed while his Abuela talked to him quietly, her hands cupping his cheeks.

Eddie paused just outside the door, listening.

"You're such a good boy," he heard her say. "We love you so much. I know you did such a good job today."

"Thank you," Eddie heard Buck murmur.

"You make Eddito and Christopher so happy, Evan. So happy. Come on, let's get you cleaned up." He knocked lightly on the wall, and she turned to face him, running her fingers through Buck's hair. "Here he is, darling. Eddie will get you ready for bed."

"Are you okay to stay a little longer? I can drive you home," he said to her.

"It's fine, I'm happy to stay. Your dinner is warming in the oven." She patted his arm and left them alone.

Eddie pushed the door shut, kneeling in front of Buck, who gave him a tired smile. He managed a smile back, the tension oozing out of his body, and bent over to rest his head on Buck's knee.

"I'm sorry," Buck said, his voice stuffy. "I just really wanted a sandwich; didn't think the world would end while I was out getting it."

Eddie managed a laugh at that. "You scared the shit out of me."

"I know; I'm sorry. I really did try to call. I just couldn't get through. A lot was going on."

"It's okay; I was busy too." He lifted his head and stood, pulling Buck's t-shirt up and over his head. "Time for a shower. I'll get in with you."

"Are you okay?" Buck asked him quietly. "What happened, Eds?"

"Can we get you cleaned up first—"

"No, just… tell me what happened."

He heaved a sigh, and knelt again, his hands resting on Buck's knees. "We got the call, once the roads had cleared enough for us to get through," he began, trying to sound as calm and detached as possible, "and when we got there we found all the people waiting in the street, and I saw Milo, so I went down to talk to him. He was talking about you, and Carla sent me a message saying you weren't at home, and that's when I realised you were there, somewhere… and then everyone said you were in the apartment building that was crumbling in the distance."

Buck closed his eyes briefly.

"So I grabbed some stuff and came after you, but before I could get there, the building collapsed… probably a good thing, I guess, because I would've been inside…" he trailed off. "And I thought you were in there, but you weren't. Then we found you."

"You thought I was dead."

He screwed his face up, emotions threatening to break free, and murmured, "Not for long."

"Long enough." Buck swayed a bit, reaching out to cup Eddie's face with his bandaged hand. "It's okay, my love. I'm here."

Hot tears burned in his eyes. He shook his head slightly. "Yep. I know. Come on. Let's get you cleaned up."

"Eddie."

"Please, Buck. Please. Let me take care of you."

Buck took his hand and placed it over his heart, raising his eyebrows at him slightly. "Feel my heart beating."

He bit down hard on his lip, shaking his head again. "I'm fine."

"No, you're not." Buck held his hand against his chest, and then moved it a little lower. Eddie lifted his head, watching as Buck trailed his fingers over the three hearts tattooed on his skin. "It's okay to say you're not."

"I'm not," he heard himself admit, and squeezed his eyes shut. "God fucking damn it, I thought you were dead. For twenty goddamn horrible minutes you were dead, and I was… fuck, what the hell would I even do without you? How the hell would Chris and I go on? What the fuck would we tell Maddie?"

Buck slid off the bed, onto his knees as well, and said, "I think we love each other too much."

Eddie groaned, grabbed him by the shoulder and pulled him in for a crushing hug. "Yeah, maybe," he growled in his ear, "but _fuck._ It was just a normal day and now we're talking about what would've happened if you died."

"Familiar, isn't it."

"Oh, baby, come on."

"You know." Buck leaned heavily against him, head on his shoulder. "I'm sorry. I just wanted a sandwich."

"Maybe get it delivered next time."

"Maybe." Buck pressed a kiss to his neck and sat back. He had dark circles under his eyes and dirt caked into his skin, but when their eyes met he gave a lopsided grin. "We're gonna be okay, kid."

Eddie nodded. "Yep."

"You can't get rid of me that easily."

"Better not. Come on – I love you, and I know you want to talk this out, but you really stink, babe. Like… you reek."

"That's really nice," Buck grumbled, slowly rising to his feet. He undid his jeans, shoulders hunched, fumbling with his belt, and gave up when Eddie took over for him. "Oh, wait a sec," he murmured, before Eddie could pull them down his legs. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a silver chain, turning it over in his hands. "She gave this to me."

"The woman you saved?"

"I didn't save her; she was as good as dead when I got there." Buck stared down at the chain with glassy eyes. "There was nothing I could do."

"You tried," Eddie said gently. "You did everything you could."

"Wasn't enough." He turned the chain over in his hands, running his fingers over the heart charm, and then went to the dresser to slide it into the bottom of the box with his engagement ring.

That was when Eddie saw the bruises on his back. "Baby, what happened to your back? You didn't say anything while we were at the hospital."

"Ceiling fell in on the deli." Buck's voice was low. He slipped out of his jeans and kicked them aside, twisting to examine himself in the mirror. "It's not too bad."

"I hate to see you all banged up." Eddie grabbed a towel from the hook on the wall and wrapped it around Buck's hips. "Come on. Let's get you cleaned up."

~

After a shower and dinner Buck wanted nothing more than to cuddle with Christopher, who was following him around like a shadow. Buck ended up passed out on the couch with Christopher on his chest, watching TV. Eddie left them to it and drove Abuela home, checking to make sure her house was in good shape, before returning home himself.

He found them both asleep and gently lifted Christopher out of Buck's arms, carrying him down the hall to his bedroom. He tucked him in, kissing him on the forehead, and made a mental note to clean up some of the mess in his room the next morning.

Their house was okay – some of Buck's pictures had fallen and the frames smashed, so they would have to replace them. The cookie jar had taken a dive off the bench during the earthquake and shattered, and some of the books had fallen out of the bookshelf. He would deal with the mess in the morning. His priority was getting Buck off the couch and into bed.

It was after he slathered Vick's on Buck's chest and tucked him under the blanket that he realised again how close they'd come; that Buck could die even when he wasn't at work, such was the nature of his personality. He looked at a leaning building, weighed the odds and hoped they would work out in his favour, and Eddie wasn't sure he would've done the same thing. Would he have scaled a building to rescue a woman trapped at the top?

Probably, but he would've debated about it beforehand. Buck had just done it.

Part of him wanted to wrap Buck up in cottonwool and protect him forever.

He slid into bed beside him and spooned him from behind, wrapping both hands around Buck's chest. Buck shifted in his sleep, murmuring, and covered Eddie's hands with one of his.

Eddie kissed the back of his neck and whispered, "I love you."

He heard Buck sigh in response, and then closed his eyes.

~

Eddie had nightmares after Afghanistan. PTSD or whatever it was, they lingered for a while, mostly while he was living in El Paso, and then as he put his head back together, they stopped occurring. They were pretty much a thing of the past – he hadn't had a nightmare since right after the tsunami. Talking to Frank about everything helped, as much as he loathed to admit it.

His first thought when he awoke in the middle of the night, drenched in sweat, the image of Buck's lifeless face seared into his brain, was, ' _No, not this again._ '

No more hyper-realistic nightmares – he hated them. He didn't want to go back to therapy; he didn't want to talk through everything. He wanted to be strong, because Buck was having a rough time, and had a rough day, and Eddie was so damn grateful they'd both made it through.

Instead all he could see were Buck's lifeless blue eyes, staring up at him, and he scrambled out of bed, choking back a sob, tripped over the sheets, and ended up thumping onto the floor.

Buck was awake, lurching upright, gasping. "Is it another quake? Eds?"

But Eddie couldn't speak - the fear of almost losing Buck was choking him.

"Eddie?" Buck leaned over the bed; his voice still thick with phlegm. "What's wrong?"

He just shook his head, holding out his hand, trying to pull it together.

"God, Eds," Buck said in shock, and slid off the bed onto the floor beside him. "Hey. You had a bad dream? You okay?"

He shook his head again, tears burning in his eyes, and pressed his hand to his lips. Buck reached over him to flick on the lamp – he was perched on his knees, dark circles around his eyes, a scrape on his cheek. He had a momentary flash of Buck's lifeless eyes and couldn't control the whimper that escaped his lips.

"What should I do?" Buck asked him, his hands hovering over Eddie's shoulders. "Baby, can I touch you?"

It was so unlike Buck to call _him_ baby that he looked up, tears sliding down his cheeks. Buck extended a hand and brushed his cheek with his thumb, and that gesture was enough for him to let go of some of his fear, crawl over to Buck, and bury his face against his neck.

He didn't have to be strong all the time, even if it was his default setting. He could let some of it go and just be so fucking thankful that everything had worked out; that Buck was still there in his arms. The rest of it would fall into place, but he had his two people and they were all okay.

Buck pressed a kiss to the top of his head and embraced him, letting out a long breath. "I'm sorry," he said after a moment. "Sorry I was out of the house."

"If you weren't, people would've died," Eddie heard himself say.

Buck was silent. He cast a hand up and down Eddie's back, hugging him tightly.

And that was how they stayed, for a while, until Eddie was yawning and pulling away, the nightmare mostly forgotten. He cupped Buck's face with both hands and gazed into his brilliant blue eyes, reassuring himself that he was still _there_ , in his arms, and that they were getting married.

Buck smiled at him and said, "We're okay. I got you."

He closed his eyes briefly. "I got _you._ "

"We've got each other." Buck kissed his forehead. "Come on, my love. Let's make the bed and try to get some sleep." He stood, pulling Eddie up with him, and gave him a firm, reassuring kiss.

"Thanks," Eddie said, watching as Buck quickly fixed the sheets and blankets.

"PTSD is a bitch," he replied, glancing over at him. "I was having nightmares after the ladder truck. And the tsunami."

"You never told me that."

He shrugged. "Didn't want you to worry. Frank was helpful to talk to, for a while, but then… you and I fixed things and I didn't need therapy so much anymore."

"Because of me," Eddie replied, crawling back into bed.

"Yeah, life's easier with you around." Buck flicked the lamp off, and pulled Eddie in against him, kissing the back of his neck. "You make everything easier, my love."

"I adore you," he whispered.

Buck kissed the back of his neck and murmured, "Not as much as I adore you."

"Not a competition."

"Could be, though."

~~

When Buck awoke in the early morning, his head felt a bit clearer. His body had taken a beating, but he was breathing clearer through his nose and his head wasn't feeling as congested. He rolled onto his back, lifting his arm, and Eddie shifted so his head was on his shoulder, breathing deeply, still asleep.

Buck ran his fingers through Eddie's hair and gazed up at the ceiling, replaying the previous day's events in his mind. Replaying the moment when he realised Eddie was racing towards him from the fire truck – how all the adrenaline in his body seemed to evaporate the moment Eddie had his arms around him. He was safe; he didn't need to do anything else. Eddie was going to bring him home.

He left Eddie in bed and went out to check on Christopher, who was still sleeping soundly, and to use the bathroom. He examined his reflection in the mirror, twisting and turning to see the bruises on his body. The bandage on his hand needed changing, and he'd have to put ice on his knee. He'd twisted it at some point during the day and it was swollen and painful.

He left the bathroom and went out to the kitchen, turning on the coffee maker. He wanted an omelette or something substantial, so he put the music on low, took the ingredients out of the fridge and threw himself into cooking. That was where Eddie found him, twenty minutes later, and he smiled when arms slid around his waist.

"Hey," he said, leaning back against him.

"You okay?" Eddie's voice was thick with sleep.

"Feeling better."

"What are you making?"

"Breakfast omelettes. I put chilli in yours."

"You don't have to do that; you should be resting." Eddie tugged at the hem of Buck's shirt, lifting it up, examining his back. "Are you in pain?"

"Nope." He _was_ , but it would go away.

"Liar," Eddie said knowingly. "How's your knee?"

"Sore. I’m okay; I'll be all right. Go wake the kid up." Buck slung an arm around Eddie's shoulders and kissed him thoroughly, before pushing him in the direction of the hallway. "Go."

Eddie shot him a playful look of admonishment and went to wake Christopher.

~

Eddie took Christopher to school, and Buck catalogued the things they would need to replace around the house – clucking his tongue over the loss of his photo frames and wondering if he'd be able to order the exact same ones to replace them. He was sitting at the table with a cup of coffee, scrolling through Amazon, when Eddie returned home.

"Hey," he said as he came through the front door, kicking his shoes off. "Guess who bailed me up just as I was trying to escape?"

"Debra," Buck said, glancing over at him with a grin.

"Oh yeah." Eddie made a face as he strode over to press a kiss to his lips. "Coffee?"

"Freshly made."

"You're the best." Eddie kissed him again and went into the kitchen. "There's going to be a school excursion next month to the zoo and she wanted to know if I would be one of the chaperones – just me. Not you."

"I'll do it," Buck said instantly. "Sign me up."

"Well, I kinda already did." Eddie flashed him a grin. "I thought her head was going to explode."

"I'll win her over." Buck added a few things to his cart. "Man, I'm not used to being hated like this."

"Personally, I think she finds you hot." Eddie slid into the seat beside him, setting his cup down on the table, peering over to look at the iPad screen. "Replacing stuff?"

"Yep." Buck found the photo frames he was looking for and added them to his cart, before pushing the iPad aside and turning to Eddie. "Might need you to check my hand out."

"Is it sore?"

"A bit. You okay, Eds?"

The flicker of a smile crossed Eddie's face, and he shrugged and said, "As good as can be expected, I guess."

"You want to talk about it? About the nightmare?"

Eddie's nose scrunched and he twisted his lips briefly before murmuring, "Ah, babe. You know. It was just you dead, that's all. Bad day."

"That's all." Buck wrapped his hands around his coffee mug and said, "I'm sorry for being there. For going into the building. She died anyway."

"Yeah, but you couldn't have lived with yourself if you didn't try," Eddie said quietly. "And that's what I love about you. One of the many reasons, but… when we got there, and they told me where you were, I just… it was like I already _knew_ that's where you'd be. That it was too easy for us to turn up and have you there on the street with everyone, waiting for a rescue. That you would have to go back to make sure everyone got out. And it'll be like that again, if something else happens and we're separated… you won't stop until you've found everyone."

"It's a bad thing, though. I shouldn't do it."

"Can you stop yourself? Honestly." Eddie gazed at him expectantly.

Truthfully? No. If the same situation arose again, he'd make the exact same call. Buck chewed on his lower lip, his eyes trained on the table guiltily.

"Hey, it's okay," Eddie said gently. "I know what I'm signing up for. You know what you're signing up for."

"I don't want you to have nightmares because of me."

"It's just a thing that happens sometimes." Eddie reached out to wrap a hand around his arm. "Yesterday I had a bad half an hour, baby, but we're okay now. We're going to be okay. I don't even know how you managed to get up into the building without any gear."

"I had a crowbar. I knew time was running out, I could feel the building moving. Once I had her it was easy enough for me to get down the stairs and out onto the street. I had no idea you guys were on the scene." Buck sipped his coffee, and then said, "You haven't had a nightmare since we've been together."

Eddie shook his head. "No, it's been a while. A long time. Guess I just got triggered yesterday."

"What are they about?"

He sighed, making a face. "I don't know. It changes. I stopped having dreams about Afghanistan a few years ago, since we moved out here and I got away from my parents. Then… after the double whammy of Shannon dying and the ladder truck, they came back again, a couple of times a week."

"The ladder truck? You… you had nightmares about that?"

Eddie hunched over. "Yeah."

"You never told me that."

"I don't know. Didn't want you to worry. You had enough shit going on then."

"No, I mean, since then," Buck corrected. "You've had nightmares about me?"

He shrugged. "Yeah. A couple. You passed out in the ambulance on the way to the hospital—"

"I passed out? Nobody ever told me that." He could hardly remember anything about that night, only bits and pieces. He remembered Eddie beside him in the ambulance, and then waking up in the hospital. The rest was a blur of pain.

Eddie said quietly, "Baby, we really don't need to talk about that."

"No, just… tell me, because I don't remember."

He paused, eyes on the table, and murmured, "By the time we got the truck off you, you were really out of it. Your blood pressure kept dropping. Hen and Chim were working on you and I was on autopilot, just handing them whatever they needed… at one point you were reaching out, so I took your hand, and… you were looking at me and your eyes were so wide and scared." He made a face, shaking his head slightly. "I mean, I didn't know then that… I was in love with you, but I knew I loved you. I was terrified. And then your blood pressure crashed, and you passed out, but we stabilised you again just as we got to the hospital. I just remember your eyes, Buck. I dreamt about them for weeks afterwards."

"I'm so—"

"Don't say you're sorry, baby, it's not your fault." Eddie pushed his cup of coffee aside and went to sit in Buck's lap, grasping his chin. "The ladder truck wasn't your fault; the tsunami wasn't your fault and the earthquake yesterday wasn't your fault. Are you a magnet for disaster? I'm starting to think so."

Buck smiled. "Maybe."

"Yeah, maybe." Eddie released his chin and then ran his fingers through Buck's hair, examining his face. "I'll be okay," he said. "Maybe another nightmare, maybe not… I don't know. But you're here with me and that's all I need."

"Let's get married today."

Eddie grinned, pressing his forehead against Buck's. "Okay. How?"

"Don't know; just want to be your husband already. Maybe if I'm a Diaz I'll be less prone to disaster."

"Can you imagine if we did it, though? Just snuck out and got married, just the two of us?"

"Couldn’t do it to Chris. He'd be devastated." Buck's hands snaked around his back. "What do you want to do today? Just the two of us."

"I can think of a few things, if you're up to it."

Buck grinned. "I'm up to it."

~

It had been a long time since they'd spent a day at home in bed together and they made the most of it, rolling around together, lost in a tangle of limbs. It was after midday when Buck finally wrangled Eddie so he was on his back, distracted him with long, desperate kisses as he worked open his entrance with slick fingers, finally pushing inside. Eddie sighed, throwing his head back, hands sliding gently down Buck's back as he made love to him.

"This is what you want," Eddie said against his lips. "Is it?"

"Mmmhmm, you, like this." He lifted his head, adjusting his hips, trying to take the weight off his bad knee, and found the right angle. Eddie gasped and shuddered. "Like that." He kissed him again and sucked on his bottom lip, thrusting his hips rhythmically, hitting his prostate over and over.

Eddie wrapped both hands around Buck's back – both arms locked in place, his hands gripping his shoulders, and pulled him down so they were chest-to-chest. Buck slowed the pace, licking into his mouth, smirking as Eddie whined beneath his lips.

"You're good," he said, and Eddie stared up at him with wide eyes, his face red. "You're so good. Do you like this? Do you want me to go harder?"

"No, no, slow."

"Slow." He rolled his hips, eyes trained on Eddie's face, watching as he gasped and squeezed his eyes shut. "How slow?"

"Slower."

"Hmm." Buck slid a hand down his thigh and pushed his legs open, lifting his hips, pulling all the way out before sinking back inside exquisitely slowly.

Eddie let out a high-pitched whine, licking his lips.

"Use your words."

He snorted with laughter, his eyes flying open. "Shut up and fuck me."

"I'm trying but you won't let me go fast."

"No, it's nice. I like it. Slow. I just want to savour you." He turned his head to the side, grinning when Buck licked his neck and sucked his earlobe. "Love this."

"Yeah?" Buck adjusted himself, thrust his hips again, and felt Eddie shudder beneath him. "Let me speed up."

"No." Eddie closed his eyes, sliding his hands down Buck's back. "Keep going."

So he did, slowly, drawing it out, even though he had to fight every fibre in his being to quicken the pace. Eddie was shaking beneath him, biting down on his lip every single time Buck's cock raked against his prostate. "Please," he finally begged, pressing his face against Eddie's neck. "Please?"

"No, I'm so close, I want to come without you touching me and then… then…" Eddie's voice raised an octave. "Oh god, that's it."

He twisted his hips again, sweat dripping down his face, and Eddie clenched around him. Buck reached down between them, bypassing his cock, and pressed his fingers to the spot below his balls firmly.

"Oh my _god_ ," Eddie hissed, as Buck slowly dragged himself all the way out, pausing, grinning as Eddie swore and clutched at him, before plunging back in. "Oh fuck!" he gasped, shaking as he came between them, hot and sticky.

Buck bent down to kiss him, quickened the pace relentlessly, as Eddie shook from the aftershock of his orgasm. He was close, right on the brink, trading open, messy kisses, when he felt Eddie's fingers press inside him and bear down on his prostate.

"You bastard," Buck hissed, pulling away. Eddie snickered beneath him, wrapping his free hand around Buck's neck, dragging him down for another kiss.

In no time he was coming as well, with Eddie's fingers buried deep inside him, practically milking his prostate. He emptied inside Eddie and collapsed on top of him, burying his face against his neck.

They were both breathless and silent, and then Eddie began to laugh, smacking Buck's ass cheek, hard. "Fucker."

"You are," he managed to say.

A warm kiss was pressed to his forehead. "I love you so much, baby."

"I love you too, but you're a prick."

"You love it." Eddie let out a breath, his arms wrapped around Buck. "This is good. Stay here in bed with me forever."

"Nothing can hurt us here?"

"Nope. You're safe here with me."

~


	2. Chapter 2

"Buck," Christopher called from his bedroom, as Buck was passing by the open door.

He came to a sudden and abrupt stop, clutching the doorframe dramatically. Christopher let out a peal of laughter as he stumbled into the room and collapsed across the end of the bed. "What?!"

"You're silly," Christopher giggled at him, tucked up under his blanket with a book on his lap. "Stop it. I have something _serious_ to ask you."

"Oh serious, okay. You waited for your dad to be on the phone, huh?"

"Yeah, this is between you and me."

"All right, lay it on me pal."

Christopher sat forward, unexpectedly serious, and said, "Buck, you're not allowed to die."

Buck blinked at him and sat up slowly. "I'm not."

"No."

"Buddy, I know your dad was a bit freaked out yesterday but I'm fine, honestly—"

"My mom died," Christopher said to him, suddenly on the verge of tears. "And I didn't get to say goodbye to her."

God, he felt like shit. "I know. And I know your dad has talked to you about our job, Chris—"

"My mom didn't have a dangerous job."

She'd just been walking across the street, but he had no idea how much of that Christopher knew. He shifted, moving so he was sitting beside Christopher with his arm around him, and said quietly, "Ever since we first met, you and your dad have been two of the most important people in my life, and now we're a family. Even though I do a dangerous job, and even though sometimes I have to take a risk in order to save people, I promise you that if I can, I will always come home to you. But most importantly, I will make sure that your dad comes home to you, Chris. I promise."

"Both of you," Christopher said quietly, touching his cheek. "You both have to."

He nodded. "Okay."

"Because I love you."

"I love you too, Chris," he said, a little choked up. "You know I do."

"If I can't have my mom," Christopher said in his ear, "I want you. Promise."

He kissed the top of his head and said in his ear, "I can't make that promise, because… one day I might break it. But it wouldn't be because I didn't want to come home to you; it would be for some other reason that wasn't about you. What I can promise you, Chris, is that I will never willingly leave. I love you so much, kiddo, and I'll never leave you. I promise."

Christopher nodded, hugging Buck tightly, sniffling against his chest. Buck patted his back, trying to control his emotions, and finally said, "Hey, your dad is going to wonder what's wrong with us. You want me to read to you for a while?"

Christopher nodded, cuddling up against him. "Did your dad used to read to you, Buck?"

"No, but Maddie did. She would read to me whatever she was reading at the time." He ran his fingers through Christopher's hair and grabbed the book from the nightstand. "Okay, where were you guys up to? I feel like I missed a chapter or two."

"I can tell you what happens."

"Okay, good." Buck settled down against the pillows, his chin atop Christopher's head. They both glanced over when Eddie appeared in the door, peering in at them with a smile on his face. "You want me to read to you too, Eds?"

"Can't say no to that." Eddie wandered into the room, curling up on the end of the bed, resting his head on Buck's long legs.

"We need to get you a bigger bed so we can all fit when we do this," Buck murmured, and Christopher giggled. "Or a race car bed."

"No race cars."

Buck exchanged a look with Christopher, shaking his head. "Such a killjoy."

"Don't you two start teaming up against me," Eddie warned. "It's not fair. It's an unfair advantage."

Christopher was giggling, his hands to his lips. "We make a good team."

"No, you don't get to steal Buck from me," Eddie teased, reaching out as if to tickle him, which made Christopher squeal and burrow himself against Buck for protection. "Let me in on this."

"There's not enough room," Buck complained, but Eddie simply sat up, pulled Chris up into a burly hug and swept him across the hall to the main bedroom. "Unbelievable, Diaz! Taking over!"

"There's not enough room," Eddie mimicked him.

Buck was laughing as he grabbed Christopher's pillows and switched off the lights in his bedroom, joining them in the main bedroom. Eddie had Christopher set up in the middle of the bed, giggling helplessly, and he flashed Buck a smug smile. "Plenty of room in here."

"We were doing just fine until you came along," Buck retorted, flopping onto the bed beside them. "All right. Am I reading this or not?"

"You read, we'll listen." Eddie settled down beside Christopher, reaching across him to grasp Buck's hand loosely. "We always like it when you do the voices, Buck."

"Yeah, the voices!" Christopher exclaimed.

Buck sighed. "You two better not make a habit of ganging up on me."

~~

Buck was back at work the next day, and Eddie was about to go grab them each a coffee when Bobby called them into his office. Hen and Chimney, seated at the table in the kitchen, both looked up with alarm.

Eddie was on edge as he followed Buck into the room and took a seat across from Bobby, preparing himself for an argument, but Bobby merely said, "Listen, the Chief wants to give you an award for bravery, Buck."

Buck looked surprised. "I thought you were… going to get up me?"

"I've got nothing to get up you about – you did what any of us would've done in the same situation. You did a great job," Bobby said sincerely. "I'm proud of you."

Buck lit up, exchanged a glance with Eddie, and then said, "But you brought Eddie in as well."

"I figured Eddie would be standing outside the door glaring at me if he thought I was giving you a lecture," Bobby said dryly. "Right?"

Eddie lifted his shoulders, trying not to smile. "I'm Team Buck, always."

"I know." Bobby rolled his eyes at him. "All right. Listen – Buck, it's up to you. They want to have a little ceremony to recognise you for your bravery in the tsunami and in the earthquake, so… if you don't want this, you let me know."

Buck looked over at Eddie again, who said, "I'd be happy to see you recognised. You know Abuela and Pepa would want to come and watch. Christopher would be so proud."

"I don't want the publicity," Buck admitted. "I just want to do my job."

"Might be nice to get some recognition," Eddie encouraged him. "If the Chief wants this – that's a good thing, right?"

Bobby nodded. "Yeah, Buck. Come on. You love medals."

But Buck was shaking his head. "No. That's okay. I don't want it. I don't deserve it."

Eddie exchanged a look with Bobby, and said, "Yes, you do."

"No. I don't want any scrutiny. I just want to do my job." Buck pushed his chair out, shaking his head, and left the room.

Eddie turned to watch him hurry down the stairs, and murmured, "I'll go talk to him."

"If he doesn't want it, that's okay. The Chief isn't going to be mad – hell, he'll probably be impressed."

He nodded, flashing a tense smile at Bobby, and followed Buck down the stairs. Buck was already out on the street, in the sunlight, his face turned to the sky. When Eddie stepped up beside him, he said, "We don't need to make a big thing of this. I'm okay. I don't want an award."

"Why don't you think you deserve it?"

"You shouldn't be rewarded for doing your job. Right?" Buck glanced at him, and he nodded. "I don't care that I didn't get any recognition after the tsunami and I don't want any for this. I was just doing my job."

"It's not your fault that she died, you know."

"No, but it is my fault that I nearly died," he pointed out. "And I don't want a medal for not dying."

"This, coming from the man who saw my Silver Star once and wanted to wear it?"

Buck flashed him a smile. "It's very shiny."

"Yeah, but it's not like you not to want recognition, is what I'm saying," Eddie said, taking his hand and squeezing it.

"The only recognition I need is yours. The rest doesn't matter."

Eddie glanced over at the station, and then said, "I don't want this to be something you regret."

"Nah, it won't be. It's meaningless. It's poor taste after an earthquake where a lot of people have lost their lives. I don't want it." Buck slid his arm around Eddie's shoulders. "I'm okay."

"Are you, though?"

"Yeah, I'd tell you. Come on. Hen and Chim are probably wildly speculating about what we're doing."

~

Eddie kept a watchful eye on Buck the rest of the day, but he was his normal self – he and Chimney spent the quiet afternoon at the station playing an increasingly petty games of pool, complete with name-calling and taunting, and when Buck finally won the deciding round, Chimney simply stomped away, holding his middle fingers up.

"Cheat!" echoed through the building as he clattered down the stairs.

Buck put the pool cues away and grinned at Eddie. "He's the cheat."

"Yeah, yeah." Eddie checked his watch. "Let's get out of here."

They were in the locker rooms when Chimney reappeared, sheepishly, eyes trained on Buck. "Hey buddy."

Buck grinned, pulling his shirt over his head. "What?"

"Good game out there today."

"Oh, really? That wasn't you yelling cheat before?"

"No, I take it back. You did really well." Chimney held out his hands and said, "Have I got an opportunity for you guys."

They exchanged a look. "What's that?" Eddie asked, rummaging through his bag in search of deodorant.

"I have managed to secure two tickets to _The Sound of Music_ for Friday night, for Maddie and I, and I think it's time that Uncle Buck and Uncle Eddie stepped up to babysit their niece." He raised his eyebrows at them hopefully. "Whaddya say?"

"Can't you just watch it on DVD?" Eddie asked dryly.

"What? No, it's the stage show," Chimney replied. "They're putting it on at Los Angeles Theatre. It's Maddie's favourite."

"Nah, she likes _Mary Poppins_ better," Buck said.

"No, Buckaroo, I think I would _know_ that it's the _Sound of Music_ —"

"I'm telling you, Chim, she doesn't like the nuns."

Chimney's jaw dropped. "You're wrong."

He flashed him a grin. "I'm not, but if you need to unload the tickets, Eddie and I will take them—"

"Oh no you don't," he snapped, hands on his hips. "No. Maddie and I are having a night out, and you two are baby-sitting. End of discussion."

"End of discussion – we've got a kid of our own, you know," Eddie argued, slamming his locker shut. "Maybe we've got plans?"

"Bet you don't," Chimney replied bluntly.

Eddie exchanged another look with Buck, who acquiesced, "Well, no, but that's because we like to leave things until the last minute."

"You can bring Christopher to our house," Chimney said, the tone of his voice taking on a desperate edge. "Guys, please. I know she'll love this. I didn't mean what I said about the cheating thing, Buckaroo. Come on."

"You know we're going to do it," Buck said, t-shirt in his hands, about to pull it over his head. "Settle down."

Chimney heaved a sigh of relief, as the locker room door opened, and Hen stepped inside. "Um, _excuse me_ ," she said, and pointed to Buck's chest. "What the hell is that? When did you get a nipple ring?"

"Like two months ago Hen, keep up."

"Two months ago! You told me you always had it," Chimney argued.

"Oh yeah, I lied." Buck grinned at him, pulling his shirt on. "You fell for it too!"

"You know, ever since you two hooked up you've both been really annoying," Chimney said, but when Eddie and Buck exchanged a pointed look, he quickly backtracked. "Obviously I'm one hundred percent on board though and am so happy that we're all going to be related by marriage and in each other's lives forever, you guys, and as the uncles to my daughter I know that you're both really eager to come over and babysit for us on Friday night."

"Obviously," Buck said dryly, slipping into his jacket. "Yeah, that part was obvious."

"Good. So, 6pm? Sound good?"

"You know neither of us are good with babies, right?" Eddie asked him. "I mean, when Christopher was a baby, I was in Afghanistan."

"Oh, you're both smart boys, I'm sure you'll figure it out," Hen teased them. "Do the man a favour. He hasn't slept since the baby was born."

"And you don't want Albert winning the best uncle war," Chimney warned Buck.

"He's not going to," Buck replied evenly. "I am the best uncle. Albert makes a lovely runner-up."

~

"You know I wasn't there when Christopher was a baby, right," Eddie said to Buck as they drove home. "Like… I missed that entirely."

"I've got this," Buck replied, drumming his hands on the steering wheel. They were stopped at the lights with the music playing, and there was a neon pink glow illuminating Buck's face.

Eddie, who was content to sit back and let Buck be the photographer in the relationship, took a photo of him. Buck glanced at him, eyebrows raised, and said, "What's that for?"

"You looked hot." Eddie admired the photo, and on a whim sent it to Adriana and Sophia with the heart eyes emoji underneath.

He almost instantly received a reply from Adriana – _'You doofus. Say hi to Buckaroo for me._ '

They were on the move again, and Buck reached over to turn up the radio. "As long as we don't kill Charlotte, we can call it a success," he said. "I know how to keep a kid alive."

"Do you?"

"Yeah, I learned everything I know from you." Buck flashed him an impish grin.

"Again – I was in Afghanistan when Christopher was a baby."

"Can you change a diaper?"

He paused. "Yes? It's been a while."

"Then what else do we need to know? She's not even three months old; they'll be gone for, what, four hours at the most? Everything will be fine. We will ace this," Buck said confidently. "Let's face it – we do this for them once, we're going to be their go-to baby-sitters every single time they want to leave the house. I need to build up my favourite uncle cred with Charlotte early. You know Albert's around there all the time, schmoozing up to the baby, trying to steal her heart from me. I'm gonna win this, Eddie. I'm not letting him steal _my_ thunder."

"Okay, it's not a competition, but I like the attitude." He rested his hand on Buck's shoulder, texting Adriana and Sophia. "My sisters want to know what we're doing for my birthday. My parents are talking about coming out to visit but… let's think of a reason why they shouldn't."

Buck let out a laugh. "What are you worried about?"

"I was just kinda hoping not to have any serious parental discussions with them until we get closer to the wedding. Did you have any plans for my birthday?"

"If I did, it wouldn't be a surprise."

Eddie groaned. "Buck, come on. You know I hate surprises."

"Listen – we're having a big party in a few months for our wedding, right? So for your birthday, I was thinking it would be a chilled out thing during the day, and just you and me at night," he said. "How does that sound?"

"Chilled out how?"

"Your Abuela mentioned something about having everyone over to her house—"

"No, we're not doing that to her," he objected. "No. I don't want anything."

"Edmundo, your Abuela wants to throw you a party," Buck said pointedly, "and if your Abuela wants to throw you a party, you will say yes."

"No. If she does, my parents will come," he argued. "And I'm not ready to see them yet."

Buck gave him a quick look, his brow furrowed. "Why not?"

"I just… I don't know."

"Is something going on that you're not telling me about?"

"No, of course not. How could I hide anything from you, anyway? We're together every second of every day."

"You say that like it's a bad thing."

"No, that's not what I meant," he said, reaching out to squeeze Buck's leg. "I just… after the way we ended things, on a good note… I'm scared that if they come here and see something they're not thrilled with, we'll lose all that goodwill."

"Something they're not thrilled with…"

"I don't know. You know what I mean."

"Do I?" Buck glanced at him, and then murmured, "Are you talking about our sex toys?"

Eddie winced. "Maybe."

"What? How would they ever even find them?"

"My parents snoop, Buck… you've literally got them in a box under the bed. They'd find them if they really went looking."

"Why the hell would they come into our bedroom?" he asked, flabbergasted.

Eddie sighed. "My mom… ask Adriana and Sophia. She found every single one of their diaries. If they really wanted to, they'd go looking… I keep telling you, baby. I don't trust them. I might never trust them. I don't want them coming here for my birthday."

"What do you want?" Buck asked him. "You choose the day, but I already have the night part planned, and I promise that's just you and me. No surprise parties. Tell me what you want during the day."

He sighed. "You, me and Chris… just the three of us. No parties."

"Okay. It's your birthday. You tell us what you want to do, and I'll make it happen." Buck reached out and took his hand, holding it to his lips.

~~

Buck, Eddie and Christopher arrived at Chimney and Maddie's house promptly at 6pm on Friday night. Chimney opened the door, ushering them inside – Buck briefly thought to himself that he wasn't dressed up enough for the theatre, in his black jeans and sweater, but he didn't say anything.

Maddie stepped out in a green dress, fastening an earring, and flashed a bright smile at Christopher, who beamed right back at her. "Every time I see you," she said to him, "you get that much taller. Do you know that? You'll be towering over Buck before he knows it."

"Not likely," Buck said, and Christopher laughed at him.

"Maddie, you take care of Christopher and I will talk to the boys," Chimney said, passing Buck the baby monitor. "Now, Charlotte is in here in her playpen, and in about half an hour you're going to need to give her dinner. Then you're going to give her a bath, and then – Buck, are you listening?"

Buck was leaning over the playpen to tickle his niece, who was holding onto her tiny toes with her tiny hands. "You're so cute!"

"Buckaroo," Chimney said, clicking at him. "Pay attention. This is going to be your life one day, so you need to listen up. Now, follow me to the bathroom so I can show you what to do."

"Uh, Chim," Eddie said delicately, "I have bathed a baby before."

"You haven't bathed _my_ baby before, Eddie. Come on."

They were given a tour of the bathroom, a thorough rundown on how to prepare the bath and in what order to use the products, and then taken into the nursery, where Chimney showed them exactly how to tuck in Charlotte and what books to read to her.

Buck and Eddie were silent, but as they followed him back down to the living room, they nudged each other with their elbows and shared a smirk.

"All right," Chimney said, reaching into the playpen to lift Charlotte into his arms. "You're going to be okay, and we're going to call every half an hour to make sure all of you are still alive—"

"I have raised a child," Eddie cut in, gesturing to Christopher, "who is still alive."

"Yeah, but Buck hasn't," Chimney said, his gaze focused on his daughter, bouncing her up and down. "It's not Uncle Eddie we're worried about, is it?"

"This is just insulting at this point," Buck muttered, as Maddie gave him a sympathetic look and kissed his cheek.

"You'll be great. Honestly, he's more worried than I am. We'll be home by 11.30 at the latest, and we've left money for you guys to order dinner. Seriously, thank you so much for giving us a night out."

"It's our pleasure," Eddie said, holding his hands out. Chimney reluctantly passed him the baby, who studied him with a serious expression for a few seconds before breaking into a smile. "Oh, there you are. Hello. We're going to have fun tonight, aren't we?"

~

Ten minutes after Chimney and Maddie left, Charlotte turned into a screaming hellion.

"Oh my god," Buck said to Eddie, half an hour later. "What is happening? She won't eat!" He had the baby in his arms, rocking her back and forth, desperate for the noise to stop. "How are we so bad at this?"

Christopher had both hands over his ears, his eyes stubbornly trained on the television. Eddie took the baby out of Buck's arms, let out a breath, and began to walk her up and down the length of the room, gently jiggling her. "What's a song?" he asked Buck. "Give me a song to sing."

"Um, I don't know, I've never sung to a baby before!"

"Come on music man," Eddie complained, and when Buck just gave him a frustrated look, he sat down with Charlotte lying on his lap, supporting her head with his hand, and sang, " _Whatever happened to predictability, the milkman, the paperboy, evening TV—"_

"Is that _Full House_?" Buck demanded.

"It's the first thing that popped into my head! _Everywhere you look, everywhere you go, there's a heart, a hand to hold on to,_ " Eddie sang, and Charlotte blinked up at him tearfully. " _Everywhere you look, everywhere you go, there's a face, of somebody who needs you…"_

Buck exchanged a look with Christopher, who had a huge smile on his face.

" _When you're lost out there and you're all alone, a light is waiting to carry you home… everywhere you look,_ " Eddie sang, and Charlotte gave a bubbly giggle. "Oh, there you go. Happy again!"

She screwed her face up and wailed.

**~*~*~*~**

**Maddie, Chimney, Hen & Karen**

"I mean, I do feel kind of bad," Chimney said, as Hen handed him another beer. "She's a creature of routine, and her routine is disrupted without us there, so she's going to give them hell."

"I just texted Buck and he said everything is fine and not to worry," Maddie said, setting her phone down on the table. "Which means that something is wrong."

"You're evil," Hen said with a laugh, taking the seat across from her. "Those poor boys."

"That's to get Buck back for cheating at pool the other day," Chimney muttered.

Maddie nudged him. "He didn't cheat, and you know it. You're not that great at pool, Chim."

"You're supposed to be on my side," he reminded her, and she laughed. "You're my Buckley. Eddie has his Buckley, and you're mine. You and Buck are on separate teams now."

"Yeah, but he'll always be my sweet baby brother. Speaking of which… Mom and Dad sent me some baby photos of him, you want to see?"

"Oh, yes please," Hen said, exchanging a grin with Karen. "He was always so tight-lipped about your parents. I mean, now I know why."

"Yeah, but they're trying. After they showed up at Christmas and embarrassed themselves in front of Eddie's parents, I think they're really feeling like they need to make amends. I think they want to come to the wedding, but Buck refuses to have anything to do with them. Not that I blame him." Maddie checked her phone again. "He replied and said she's eaten and that they're going to give her a bath soon."

"They're running late," Chimney murmured, clucking his tongue.

"Give them a break. You're the one who deceived them so you could come out for drinks and burgers with us," Karen admonished him. "You two don't look at all like you're going to the theatre."

"I couldn't think of any other reason as to why we'd need to be out of the house," he protested. "They bought it."

"Yeah, but you did say _The Sound of Music_ and I don't like it," Maddie replied. "He knows that."

"He doesn't suspect a thing," Chimney said confidently. "Now listen – this party we're throwing for them. Buck will suspect something's going on."

"From _you_ ," Hen pointed out. "You can't keep your mouth shut."

"Not this time. We've booked out the bar – we're going to have a karaoke night. Neither of them will complain about that."

"Did you get some strippers?" Karen teased him. "It is their bachelor party."

Chimney rolled his eyes. "Do you really think that _Eddie_ would have any interest in strippers? As long as I've known him, he's only had eyes for either Shannon or Buck."

"He got hit on last week by a very aggressive waitress at the restaurant we attended," Hen said to Karen, "and the first thing he did was point to Buck and say, that's my fiancé. She was extremely taken aback."

"What was Shannon like?" Maddie asked curiously. "I don't even think Buck met her."

Hen tilted her head to the side. "They met briefly, right?" she asked Chimney, who shrugged. "I think Eddie kept her really separate from everyone… he never really let her back in. He never introduced us to her. She came by the station one day and that was the only time any of us saw her, but I don't know if Buck met her separately to that."

"The only other time we saw her was when she died," Chimney murmured. "Man, when I saw Eddie's face earlier this week, when he thought Buck was dead? I flashed right back to that day when she died. The exact same look on his face."

"Yeah, can one of you please tell Buck to stop putting his life in danger?" Maddie asked. "I find out about these things way after the fact."

"Not even Eddie can tell Buck to do that," Hen replied with a shrug. "Buck's wired a certain way. He's going to do what he's going to do. Eddie knows that."

"I still can't believe you guys didn't realise they were together for so long," Karen said, stirring her drink with her straw. "I mean, I could tell from May's graduation party that something was going on between them. They were together the whole day. They're together all the time and you didn't know? How could you not know?"

"Because they've been together ever since Eddie first started," Chimney argued. "You know that. It's been Buck-and-Eddie from day one."

"Well, day two," Hen corrected. "Day one was when they were still figuring things out. Day two was when they fell in love."

"And now they're getting married," Maddie said, blinking back tears. "My baby brother is getting married."

"Where are those pictures?" Karen demanded. "I want to see your baby brother as a baby."

Maddie laughed, retrieving her phone. "Here," she said, holding the screen out so they could see. "I'm going to give some copies to Eddie."

Sure enough, there was baby Buck, with his big blue eyes and curly blonde hair. The next picture was of Buck in Maddie's arms.

Hen murmured, "God damn that's a cute baby."

"Oh yeah, he was. He was such a good baby too, he hardly ever cried. He'd just curl up in my arms." Maddie studied the picture again affectionately. "I know you guys give him a hard time, but he's always been so wonderful, even when he was a kid. Just the gentlest, sweetest kid."

"He's our Buckaroo, we wouldn't have him any other way," Hen said gently. "Don't worry. He's going to be fine, Maddie."

"Yeah, I know. I just want them to be so happy together." She sent Buck a quick text and pocketed her phone. "Anyway, the other thing Buck told me is that Eddie doesn't like surprises, so… he's probably not going to like what you have planned for them."

"We're not going to embarrass them," Chimney said to her. "This is a celebration for them, that's all. We'll drink and eat and listen to some good music – no one is embarrassing them, Mads. I told you."

"Hey, did Chim tell you that the Department wants to give Buck a commendation?" Hen asked her, and she shook her head. "For the earthquake and the tsunami. He turned it down. Bobby asked Eddie again about it, and Eddie said that Buck was firm and didn't want it, at all."

"That's not like him."

"He was pretty shaken up, Maddie. He's been quiet ever since. I think it was a tough day for them both." Hen finished the last of her drink. "But look, he's got the wedding to focus on now – he and Bobby have sorted everything out, so it should be smooth sailing. Right?"

**~*~*~*~**

"Oh my god this kid will not stop crying," Buck said to Eddie, who was on his knees on the floor in front of him, looking as distressed as Buck felt.

Christopher had long since abandoned them and was holed up in the living room with the television blasting. They'd given Charlotte a bath and dressed her, ready for bed, but she was screaming again.

Eddie ran through the checklist. "She's not hungry, because she just ate. Her diaper is dry. She's not cold. She's just really demanding."

"Really, really demanding." Buck kissed her forehead, jiggling her gently. "Come on, sweetheart. Come on. How about I sing to you, huh? Um… god Eds, you've got a better voice than me."

"Sing a Beatles song."

Buck thought for a moment, and then began softly, " _Close your eyes and I'll kiss you, tomorrow I'll miss you, remember I'll always be true—"_

She screwed her face up, waved her tiny fists, and screamed even harder.

Eddie winced. "Um, let me take her."

Buck handed her over, and they swapped seats. Buck sprawled out on his back on the floor and pressed his hands to his head.

Eddie rocked her back and forth gently, and sang, " _Love, love me do, you know I love you, I'll always be true, so please – love me do."_

The cries subsided a bit, and Buck glanced over at him with raised eyebrows. "You've been listening to my music?"

"That's like their easiest song," Eddie replied, as she screwed her face up again, preparing for another ear-blasting scream. "Oh no, no. Come on. _Love, love me do, you know I love you, I'll always be true, so please – love me do, whoa love me do."_

" _Someone to love, somebody new,"_ Buck sang from the floor. " _Someone to love, someone like you."_

Charlotte's screams subsided into whimpers. Eddie flashed a smile at Buck, relaxing a bit, and then sang, " _Oh yeah I'll tell you something, I think you'll understand, when I say that something, I want to hold your hand… I want to hold your hand, I want to hold your hand."_

Charlotte yawned, her eyes drooping shut.

Buck gestured for him to keep going, but he hissed, "I don't know the rest of the song." He paused, looking down at her, and when she failed to start screaming again, he whispered, "Maybe we just stay very silent now."

"Good plan."

So they remained silent for an excruciating twenty minutes, and satisfied that she was finally in a deep sleep, Eddie carefully stood, placed her in the crib, set up the baby monitor and took a step back into Buck's arms.

"Okay," he whispered to Buck. "Now we leave. Silently."

"So silently." Buck blew her a kiss, and they crept out of the room, leaving the door open a crack.

Once downstairs, they both watched the feed from the camera set up in the baby monitor and found that she was definitely still asleep, head turned to the side. They nodded at each other, and then went into the kitchen to finally have some pizza for dinner.

"When we have a kid, we're going to have to figure this crying stuff out," Eddie said, throwing some slices onto a plate and shoving it in the microwave. "I'd forgotten."

"I have a feeling that Chim might have omitted some details when he said how easy it would be," Buck mused, taking a seat at the bench.

The distinctive sound of Christopher's crutches sounded on the wooden floor, and he appeared in the doorway a moment later, looking in at them expectantly. "She's asleep?"

"Yeah, buddy. She's asleep. You want some ice cream?" Eddie asked.

Christopher nodded eagerly, taking a seat at the kitchen table.

"All right, let's see what Chim and Maddie have hidden away in here." Eddie opened the freezer, located a stash of Ben & Jerry's in the back and said, "Chocolate chip cookie dough, Chris?"

"Yum!"

"I hope it's Chim's," Buck said, and Eddie flashed him a grin.

While they ate their pizza Christopher had dessert, and then Buck took the ice cream container back out of the freezer, grabbed two spoons and shared the rest of it with Eddie while Christopher giggled at them. "Might get you ready for bed soon," Eddie said to Christopher, who shook his head. "No? Why not?"

"I want to ask you a question," he said. "About your wedding."

"What about it?" Buck asked, scraping the last of the ice cream out of the container.

"You said that Aunty Maddie gets to say something, right?"

"Yeah, she's going to read a poem for us, we think," Eddie replied. "Why?"

"Maybe I could read a poem too?" Christopher asked. "Because if Aunty Maddie is for Buck, you need someone for you, Dad."

"Buddy, you're going to be right up there with me," Eddie said. "You don't have to read something if you don't want to."

"I want to."

Eddie glanced at Buck, who smiled. "As long as you're sure," he said to Christopher, who nodded vehemently. "It doesn't have to be very long."

"I want to," he said again, smiling at them. "If it's okay."

"That would be awesome, kiddo," Buck said.

"If you change your mind, that's okay too," Eddie said to him reassuringly. "You just let us know."

"I won't change my mind."

~

Christopher was asleep on the couch when Chimney and Maddie returned home, a little later than they'd said they'd be. Buck greeted them at the door, handed Chimney the baby monitor, and he went upstairs to check Charlotte while Maddie took her heels off.

"How was the musical?" Buck asked her, leaning against the wall.

Maddie looked confused for a second, and then said quickly, "Oh yeah. It was fine. I don't really like it."

"I told him that."

"Yeah, but he had his heart set on it. How was she tonight?"

"Loud," he said, raising his eyebrows at her, and she winced. "You knew that would happen, didn't you?"

"She's a real crier. Where's Eddie?"

"Here," he said from the lounge room, zipping Christopher's backpack. "We figured it out. It was no problem."

"I want to show you something," she said, pushing past Buck. "You want to see baby Buck?"

A smile lit up his face. "Definitely."

Buck left them to it, gathering Christopher up into his arms. He rested his head on his shoulder and murmured, "Home?"

"Home time."

"Mmm." Christopher clasped his hands around Buck's neck and hugged him tightly.

Eddie flashed him an adoring smile. "You never told me how cute you were."

"To be honest, Eds, I don't remember much of it," he said dryly, and they both laughed. "Come on. Let's go home."

"Thanks for baby-sitting," Maddie said gratefully, kissing Eddie on the cheek. "Thanks so much. We had such a good night."

"Yeah, you did great," Chimney said as he came down the stairs. "We'll be booking you in again."

"We're busy," Buck and Eddie said at the same time.

"Until she stops crying so much," Buck added, giving Maddie an awkward hug, Christopher still in his arms.

~~

Eddie awoke to the smell of bacon, the sound of his son giggling and Buck trying to shush him, and the bed moving as they both climbed onto it.

"Happy birthday," Christopher said in his ear, and he was grinning, opening his eyes to find Christopher inches away from his face. "HAPPY BIRTHDAY."

"Thank you," he said, groaning as Christopher smacked a wet kiss to his cheek. "Thanks, buddy."

"We brought you breakfast in bed," Buck said, leaning over to press a kiss to his lips. "Happy birthday, my love."

"Thanks, baby," Eddie said, shifting so he was sitting up against the pillows, Christopher tucked in under his arm. "Breakfast in bed, huh? I could get used to this."

"I helped," Christopher said proudly.

"Yeah, I bet." Eddie smiled at Buck, who set the tray on his lap. "Bacon, eggs and pancakes. Wow."

"And strawberries, for a fruit option," Buck said, leaning in to kiss him sweetly. "Dig in."

"Are you guys going to eat or are you going to watch me?"

"We've already eaten." Buck settled on his side on the pillows, yawning widely. "I might have a little nap while you do that, because I've been awake cooking for like an hour, and…"

Eddie exchanged a look with Christopher, who was just as sleepy. "Go on then," he said good-naturedly. "I'll wake you both up."

~

Once they'd napped, showered and dressed for the day, Buck handed Eddie a wrapped box and said, "This one is from me."

"I told you not to," Eddie admonished. "What is it?"

"Open and find out," Buck replied, perching on the edge of the couch.

Eddie unwrapped the gift, eyeing Buck. "I bet it's clothes."

"Could be."

Underneath the wrapping paper was a plain brown box. Eddie lifted the tabs at either end and the top opened, revealing some random odds and ends – a pack of socks, a box of his favourite fancy Belgian chocolates, a brand new cologne, a pack of underwear that looked a little racier than he usually wore, so he quickly stuffed them to the bottom, a pack of soft cotton tank tops for the gym, a candle, which he held up questioningly, some new swim trunks and a smaller wrapped box at the bottom.

"So you just… stocked me up on supplies for a while, huh," he said to Buck, who grinned. "And a candle."

"You didn't even look at the candle," he said, a little miffed.

Eddie picked it up again. "Sunflower Days," he said flatly, and Buck snickered. "Okay."

"You love it."

"You're a shithead."

"I know. Open your real gift at the bottom."

"Did he like the candle?" Christopher asked as he joined them in the room, smiling up at Eddie hopefully.

"Yeah, I love it," Eddie said to him, ruffling his hair. He took out the smaller box and unwrapped it, shaking his head at Buck. "It's too much."

"You're worth it."

It was a Canon DSLR camera. He examined it, shaking his head, glancing up at Buck in confusion. "This is your deal."

"I have noticed," Buck began, pulling Christopher up onto his lap, "that you take very beautiful pictures, Edmundo."

"No."

"You do. You just don't do anything with them other than leave them on your camera. I think – and my colleague here agrees – that you might be good at photography, so we have decided to give you some tools to help you on your way."

"But you're the photographer," Eddie said wonderingly. "Not me."

"I take some snaps, I throw a filter on them, I post them on Instagram," Buck said dismissively. "You take really great pictures, Eds, and I only know that because occasionally I'll look through your camera roll to see what you've been taking photos of. I just thought… I'll take photos with my phone, and you can have a camera, and… might be nice. That's all. I did some research on this camera and it's a great starting point for photographers, easy to use and lightweight. There's a book to go with it at the bottom of the box, so you can practice your skills before we take them for a test drive in Hawaii." Buck grinned at him. "Sound good?"

Eddie nodded, running his fingers over the box. "Sounds good."

"My turn," Christopher announced, nudging Buck with his elbow.

"There's more?"

"Yeah!"

Buck leaned over and retrieved a wrapped, framed picture from the floor behind the table. "This is from Christopher," he said.

"Buck helped," Christopher added.

"Yeah, I paid for it and organised it, but it's from Christopher."

"But I was in charge of the wrapping paper."

Eddie unwrapped the picture, revealing the back of the frame. He flipped it over and found one of the pictures from their whale-watching trip – Eddie and Christopher with a humpback breaching in the background. It was the best picture Buck had taken on the day. He admired it, swallowing hard. "Wow."

"Nailed it," Buck whispered to Christopher, who held up his hand for a high five.

~

Presents were followed by a trip to the beach, with a quick stop to see Milo in his new food truck – a temporary measure until his shop was rebuilt. Milo gave Buck a huge hug and kisses on both cheeks, and then insisted that their meals were free, wrapping them up some sandwiches for the day.

They left their stuff on the sand at the beach and waded out into the surf, Christopher on Buck's back. It was a calm day, and the water was cool and refreshing. They relaxed in the waves, Christopher swimming back and forth between them, before settling down in the sand for some lunch.

"This is all I wanted," Eddie said to Buck, a sandwich in his hands. "Just us. No parties."

Buck nodded. "I know. You still want to go dancing tonight?"

"Yeah, I think I can manage that."

"I'm going to wine and dine you up properly," Buck said, winking at him. "You don't stand a chance."

Eddie rolled his eyes.

~

They dropped Christopher to Hen and Karen's house for a sleepover with Denny. Karen exclaimed about how nice they looked – Buck had made him dress up for the occasion – and Buck handed her his phone so she could snap some date night pictures of them. They admonished Eddie for not playing along, until he finally gave in, gazing at Buck with adoring eyes, and she exclaimed, "That's the prom shot! There we go."

They left Christopher, already sprawled out on the floor of the family room with Denny playing video games, and then jumped back into the car. Buck drove them across town, one hand extended to rest on Eddie's knee.

"What is the place we're going to?" Eddie asked him.

"It's kind of a nightclub. Actually, I was worried they'd been damaged during the quake but they're up and running again now. They have a live band; they play rock & roll – you know, the stuff I like," he said to Eddie, who grinned. "We can eat there and then dance - the band doesn't start playing until 9.30. Or if you don't want to dance, and you just want to sit with me and listen to some good music, we can do that too."

"Dancing sounds good," Eddie replied. "You promised me a dance."

"Then that's what we'll do."

Half an hour later they pulled into the parking lot of a nondescript brick building, with a line of people streaming inside. Eddie had no idea what to expect. He let Buck lead him inside with some trepidation – small round tables were arranged around an open dancefloor, and a band was warming up on stage, playing jazz or something similar. He had no idea; he wasn't familiar with music like Buck was.

A waiter led them to a table at the back and handed them both a small menu, with only a few items to choose from – chicken wings, three different kinds of pizza or a selection of burgers. Buck leaned across the table and said, "We're not here for the food, babe. We're here for the music."

"It's jazz," he complained.

Buck grinned at him. "Only while they warm up. Your sister – Adriana – emailed me about this place. Sophia was looking at it for our wedding, but they don't cater for weddings. She just thought I might like to bring you here."

"What, you all talk about me behind my back?"

"Oh yeah, constantly," Buck teased. "You're our favourite topic of conversation, Mr Arrogant."

"Mr Arrogant," Eddie said, shaking his head. "I can't help it if you all revolve around me."

"Oh, do we just?" Buck was smirking at him. "I gotta tell ya, Eds, it's all about Christopher. You should know that."

"Oh right, fair point. He is the best of us. Our kid is the best kid." Something flickered across Buck's face, and he ducked his head. Eddie reached across to take his hand. "What's wrong?"

"I've been trying to say it," he said. "But… sometimes I say it and I feel like I'm taking his mother's place. He's not my kid – he's yours and Shannon's. I'm just lucky enough to… play pretend."

"You're not playing pretend," Eddie reassured him. "You're going to be his father. We're organising for you to adopt him once we're married. He's going to be your kid."

"I think about Shannon sometimes and feel guilty."

Eddie wanted to point out that Buck didn't know her; that they'd only met once, briefly in passing, and never had a conversation, but he understood what Buck was trying to say. There was a picture of Shannon on the dresser in Christopher's bedroom, and he had a photo album beside his bed full of pictures of his mother. Occasionally he asked to watch videos on Eddie's iPad, and they'd curl up together in his bed and talk about her.

"Maybe I've been leaving you out of his grief," he said after a moment. "Maybe you should come in with us when he wants to talk about her."

"He talks to me about her sometimes, when you're not home," Buck replied. "He'll mention her and get upset. I just try to be there to comfort him if he needs it."

Eddie nodded thoughtfully. "I don't want you to feel guilty worrying about what Shannon would've wanted. Obviously, she would've wanted to be here… I know she left him, but I also know how much she loved him."

Buck grasped Eddie's left hand, ran his fingers over the engagement ring and said, "He asked me to promise not to die. I promised him not to leave."

"He asked you that?"

"Yeah, after the quake. I think he was a bit freaked out." Buck entwined their fingers. "I'm going to make you that same promise, you know. On our wedding day."

"Promises can be broken."

"I never made a promise I didn't keep."

Eddie sighed. "I know you're not like Shannon. You don't need to make me that promise, okay? What she and I went through would've broken anyone and my parents didn't make things any easier for us. That's why I moved out here, so that Christopher and I could have a life together where we weren't under anyone's thumb. My parents are why I'm trying to make it as airtight as possible for you – so you are his father in every single way, aside from blood. If something happens to me, they can't take him from you. I know you've charmed them, but if I wasn't around, they'd try. I know they would."

"Well, you're not going anywhere."

"No, and neither are you, but we're still going to make sure we have everything locked up tight." Eddie squeezed his hand. "If I'm gone, don't trust them, okay?"

He nodded seriously. "Okay."

"Good. Fuck, this has taken a serious turn," he commented, and Buck smiled. "We're trying to have a breezy date night for my birthday."

"It can still be breezy," Buck replied. "Let's order some food."

They placed their drink and dinner orders – a couple of beers, a pizza and some wings to share – and once they were alone, Buck rested his head on his hand and gazed at him affectionately. "Hey, I want to tell you something."

"What's that?"

"You're not going to be happy about the first part, but you need to wait for the second part."

Eddie arched an eyebrow. "Okay…"

He paused for a few long moments, chewing on his lower lip. "Okay. Before I met Abby, I was pretty lost. I was just searching for someone to connect with; someone who was interested in me for who I am and not… what I look like, or how good I am in bed. I thought I found that with her. She'd listen to me. We had a connection. I thought I'd finally found the person who wanted me for me."

That familiar feeling of jealousy was flaring in his stomach, but he nodded, because Buck was trying to make a point.

"And when she left, and everyone said I was crazy for waiting…" he trailed off. "They didn't get it because they don't know what it's like not to be wanted. You know? I've never been wanted by anyone, and she… wanted me, until she didn't. And when I say wanted, I don't mean in terms of how I look – I mean, wanted for my personality. For what I can bring to the table."

He nodded again, running his fingers over the bandages on Buck's hand.

"And… I was pretty down. I talked to her about how I'd always been left behind; I opened my heart to her, and she did the exact same thing that everyone else before her had always done. And then I met you when I was… not at my best." Buck scrubbed his free hand across his face, swallowing hard. "And I don't know why, because I was acting like such a dick, but you saw me. Why'd you see me, Eds? Why… why did you pick me? You could've had anyone else. You could have your pick of everyone in the whole world, if you wanted to. Why me?"

He could say something glib, to make Buck laugh. It would be easy to have him smiling again. Instead he said quietly, "I don't know, you kinda pissed me off with how you didn't even give me a chance. I just decided to wear you down."

"Yeah, but _why?_ "

He shrugged. "I talked to Chim and Hen about you, and a few other people… everyone said the same thing. He's a great guy. He'd do anything for anyone. He'd give you his last drink of water, the shirt off his back… he'd burn his feet carrying you across hot sand if he had to; that's the kind of guy he is. And that's the kind of person I wanted on my team, so… I just waited you out. And you came around, and then you smiled at me for the first time and I thought… there you are. I see you."

Buck smiled, but his eyes were shiny with tears. "Here's the thing. Even though I know… I know you asked me to marry you, and I know our wedding is in a few months and I'm wearing an engagement ring… there is still this part, deep down inside, that's terrified that one day you and Chris… you'll go, together. And I'll be on my own again. Even though I _know_ you won't – I know that. I know you love me. I can see it; it's all over your face… every time you look at me, I see it. But I just wish that one tiny piece of doubt would go away. I don't know how to make it go away."

Eddie nodded seriously, pulling his chair in a little closer. "It will probably never go away, because… I still have that feeling of… am I enough? Am I enough for you? I see how people look at you; I see the girls turn their heads, the men staring. I see the effect you have on people. And sometimes I think… maybe my parents are right, maybe I'm not enough. But like you, I know you love me. We love each other. I just hope that as time goes on, that tiny little piece crumbles, bit by bit, until it's not there anymore. We're both scared… I mean… I think that's a good thing, right? Because we love each other. It doesn't mean that things are going to end… it just means that we recognise how much we have to lose." He made sure Buck's eyes were on his and said seriously, "I was going to put this in my vows, but I'll say it now – I chose you. You're my best friend. You're my fiancé. You're going to be my husband. I love you. I will never abandon you. We go together, you and me."

"You and me," Buck repeated, entwining their fingers together. "I love you."

"I love you too." Eddie bent down to kiss his fingers. "What made you think about this today?"

Buck rolled his eyes. "My Facebook memories, if you can believe that. Pictures of a date Abby and I went on… I don't usually look at them, but I opened the notification today and there she was. And I just got to thinking about everything."

"Can I be over-possessive and ask you to delete the original post?" he asked hesitantly.

Buck leaned forward, grinning at him. "I can do you one better. I deleted the post and the app from my phone – I'm still technically 'on Facebook', so I can use Messenger, but… no more random memories popping up to annoy me."

"Why not just delete it altogether? I'm not on Facebook."

"I'm keeping it for Messenger. Your sisters have me in a group chat with Maddie."

"Oh, _really_ ," Eddie said pointedly. "How many secret group chats are you in with my sisters?"

Buck shrugged. "The one on Messenger and then the one on Whatsapp with you, but then I'm also in a separate chat with Adriana on Whatsapp—"

"Are you for real?"

He grinned. "Yeah. I keep telling you, your family loves me. They've got good taste."

"Mmm." Eddie narrowed his eyes at him playfully, giving his hand a quick shake. "And just in case you need reminding, by the way - I'm a million times more awesome than Abby is."

"Oh yeah, definitely." Buck said with a laugh. "Way more awesome. You've got a much cooler car."

"I know. It's one of the reasons you fell in love with me."

"Yeah, I dig a guy with a sweet ride."

The light was back in Buck's eyes, so Eddie leaned over the table to kiss him sweetly. "I can't wait to get married," he said in a low voice. "Can't wait to see you all dressed up."

"I'm going to have to work on my vows. I was just going to poach a bunch of lyrics from my favourite songs."

Eddie chuckled. "Typical. I put the hard work in; you just steal the answers."

"Something like that."

~

Dinner was accompanied by a few drinks, and then the band kicked in. Buck pulled his chair next to Eddie's, draped an arm around his shoulders and watched and listened for a while. Eddie found himself watching Buck more than the band – he was so happy, singing along with almost all the songs, bopping his head, leaning in close to sing lyrics into Eddie's ear, kissing his cheek.

The band itself was made up of a group of male and female musicians, a trio of female singers and two men who switched off on vocals – he didn't know a lot about music but it was _good_ , the crowd was pumping and the atmosphere inside the club was electric.

Other people were dancing, but the music was high energy. Eddie wanted something slower, so he settled in against Buck's warmth and waited for the right song to come along. He wasn't buzzed enough to really get out there and cut a rug, but he could tell Buck was enjoying himself enough just listening and singing along.

"Hey," Eddie said in his ear during a break. "We need to talk about our wedding song."

"Yeah, I've got some options that we can listen to," Buck said. "Some good stuff."

"Are we doing a first dance?"

Buck grinned at him. "I want to."

"Okay," he agreed apprehensively. "If you want it."

"Shy?"

"A little," he admitted, as the music kicked in again and his eyes lit up. "Come on, Eds. We're dancing to this one."

Eddie had never heard the song before, but he didn't resist when Buck pulled him up and out onto the dancefloor. They disappeared into the mess of people dancing; Buck pulled him in close, and the trio of women took centre stage and began to sing.

_Well, he walked up to me and he asked me if I wanted to dance_   
_He looked kinda nice and so I said I might take a chance_   
_When he danced he held me tight_   
_And when he walked me home that night_   
_All the stars were shining bright_   
_And then he kissed me_

Buck was grinning at him, his hands resting on Eddie's waist. Eddie hooked his arms around Buck's neck and smiled up at him, losing himself in Buck's eyes, the rest of the world fading away.

_Each time I saw him I couldn't wait to see him again_   
_I wanted to let him know that he was more than a friend_   
_I didn't know just what to do_   
_So I whispered I love you_   
_He said that he loved me too_   
_And then he kissed me_

_He kissed me in a way that I've never been kissed before_   
_He kissed me in a way that I want to be kissed forevermore_

"You know after our first date," Buck said into his ear, loudly over the music, "I listened to songs like these exclusively. I felt all giddy and happy and excited about you and me."

"Do you still, though?" he asked, raising his eyebrows. "Giddy and happy and excited about us?"

"God yes," Buck replied, and swept him in for a kiss.

_I knew that he was mine so I gave him all the love that I had_   
_And one day he took me home to meet his mom and his dad_   
_Then he asked me to be his bride_   
_And always be right by his side_   
_I felt so happy I almost cried_   
_And then he kissed me_

~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me @ Tumblr: [woodchoc-magnum](https://woodchoc-magnum.tumblr.com/)
> 
> [The Crystals - Then He Kissed Me](https://youtu.be/lQtZUTRCLcY)


End file.
